Let's get a new discussion going ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Let's get a new discussion going ...
20
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 10:58pm
As a currently SAMPHM (stay at my parent's house mom), I've been with my kdis virtually 24/7 for the last 3 weeks. There has been 2 dinners out with friends, during which my kids stayed with gma and gpa. Here are some items of note during my SAMPHM stint:

1. Ds has been like VELCRO. I can't leave the room to go potty without a fuss. I have to carry him every we go (he's 3. He can walk.)

2. Ds hasn't done well with potty training during this time.

3. Ds hasn't eaten well during this time.

So, Monday I took him to the local church child care center as a drop in. He was there for about 6 hours. When gma picked him up, he didn't wanna come home. He was talking about how much fun he had (they went to thel ibrary and read dinosaur books). And the rest of the night, he WASN'T VELCRO BABY! He talked up a storm all night. He ate supper well. I didn't have to carry him anywhere. He actually stayed more than an inch from me all night. It was amazing! And he stayed dry at daycare!

So, Tuesday he's back to velcro baby.

So, Today I take him again .. for about 3.5 hours. He was independent, well behaved teh rest of the day.

So, I think I can safely say that child care has not harmed my son. In fact, it has been extremely beneficial to him, especially this week. And, GASP!, I took him, gulp, BY CHOICE! When I, bigger gasp, wasn't even working!

Just wanted to hear thoughts here ... and get the board a new thread.

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:04am
Just knowing a bit about your current situation with the divorce & move and such. He is probably reacting to all of this in his own way (which would be by being a velcro baby. LOL!) And, I would think that daycare has been a great distraction for him. KWIM? It is probably what a night out dancing and hanging w/ friends would be for you. He gets to be with other kids , do new stuff and take his little mind off things.

Sounds like things are going well. Things like this take time and it sounds like you have a good handle on it. Take care. Design

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 7:19am
I agree with the previous poster. His life is going through major transition/turmoil, which explains th clinginess etc. When he is with you he can't help thinking about what is going on in his family but being at daycare gives him a chance to think about something else. Recently at my church small group during a discussion someone pointed out that the mind can only think about one thing at a time, so during the time he was doing things at the childcare center he got a chance to think of other things, a major stress reliever.

BTW, I was one of those evil SAHM's who put their children in daycare when I did not have a job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 9:01am
Hollie, just had to offer you support and ROFL at the SAMPHM acronym!!! I have nothing to offer you on the topic at hand, though.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:25pm
I think it has much less to do with dc and everything to do with a major upheavel in his young life. Like the other posters said, he is getting a *break* when he goes to dc-a break from the stress that divorce brings to families. I am sure you are stressed and upset yourself (who wouldnt be!) and there is no way to avoid him picking up on that when he is with you. We all know kids are very very attuned to the emotionals of their parents.

You can probably expect a lot of this back and forth clinginess, not to mention regression in potty training, for awhile. How is your older child doing? I feel for all of you, divorce is such a tough thing.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:27pm
With all due respect,you can't possibly compare a divorce /uprooting/marital and parental stress situation to a sahp/stable marriage/roots situation.Any child would be clingly,etc. in your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:41pm
But I didn't make that comparison. Didn't even allude to it.

Just thought it would prove interestign debate fodder ... and it has.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:44pm
ITA (betcha never thought you'd see that, did you?);)

And Hollie, my heart goes out to you and your kids for what you're going through. My twin got divorced from her ex-rat-b*st*rd a few years back and it was heart-wrenching for all involved, thank goodness they hadn't had kids yet. Hang in there. C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:45pm
I agree, somewhat.

However, since I've been at my parent's ... and away from stbxh .. there has been relatively little stress. HEll, there's been so little stress, I'm depending on this board for my daily dose of stress ... lol

But, I do think it has to do with the divorce. And more with the absence of their father than my stress level. They do miss him. And if he were here, they wouldn't need to cling to me, because they'd have him too.

However, I do think he enjoys the dc. Because he gets to play with other kids his age. He gets to play with toys other than the minimal few we brought with us. He gets read to by someone other than mommy reading something other than the 4-5 books we brought along.

anyhoo, i'm rambling now ...

And, on the surface, dd is doing well. She's having a blast going to work with gma and gpa every day and watching movies and eating popcorn, etc. I don't think its really going to affect her until we get out of this "vacation mode" and into a house by ourselves and back to a normal life that is different than what used to be normal.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:49pm
I agree with you on both accounts. I don't know how old your DD is, but DH was 13 when his parents divorced. I don't think they knew at all how it affected him b/c he was old enough to hide it from them. GL to you. Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:52pm
I totally agree that many kids enjoy dc. I know plenty of SAHMs who send their little kids to daycare/preschool because their kids love playing with other kids, doing activities, playing in a different environment, etc.

My friend's twins started daycare few months ago, and she tells me that the twins are actually more outgoing now than when they were home. They are total motor mouths now telling her about all the things that happened at "school" as they call it.

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