Making the best of it all!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Making the best of it all!!!
162
Thu, 02-14-2008 - 10:29am

When I read some of the post on this board isn't the whole SAH vs. WOH all about making the best of the situation at hand?


I realized today that my life is good!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 11:05am
Not necessarily.

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 11:07am
I disagree with you there felicia.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 11:08am

"....that viewing life soley as a competition for success power money status what EVER

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 11:09am
so you can see why my life is good attitude really ticks off those that see life as cleary divided between winners and losers....

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 11:10am

But that's your family, not all families.


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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 11:13am

three fo them were my family , one was one of my best friends.


I just have a hard time believing that when you're life can be measured in hours you're going to say "man I'm so glad I had that stock option' or whatever...I mean I guess it shouldn't suprise me that maybe your family does think that way, we've talked many times about how money was not a big deal to my family ...and I'm trying to live a balance between being better off financialy without giving up the things that make me happy like working for peanuts in a theater ... ;-)

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:17pm

I want to clarify something.

I do not believe that people sit on their deathbed and think "I wish I had kept up with the Jones's".
I do believe people, on their deathbed, have regrets that relate to career/financial/lifestyle decisions.

I do not believe that people look back and think "I wish I had sent my children to boarding school so I could've spent 70 hours per week at work and become CEO by the time I was 37".
I do believe people look back and think "I could have had what I do have, and still had more".

I think what people regret is focusing too much on any one area of life, at the expense of other areas. I think people wish they had found a better balance. That women who focused on their careers at the expense of their children wish they had found a better balance and spent more time with their children. That women who focused their younger lives on their children at the expense of their personal and career development and financial well-being wish they had found a better balance so that they had a life and an identity that did not depend solely on their children. I think obsessive savers wish they had spent more and frivolous spenders wish they had saved more. People who live in the moment wish they had planned better, people who focus on tomorrow wish they had lived more.

My point in this discussion is that some people assume that no matter how little time you devote to a career, whether for financial reasons or reasons of personal fulfillment, you will not regret it on your deathbed. I disagree. I have spoken to many women who had dreams they left unfulfilled because they thought they had to in order to raise their children well, only to realize in later life they could have had it all if they had tried. I have spoken to women who believed that their choices, made with the assumption that it was best for the children, had a negative impact on their spouse, and they wished they had never put their spouse's needs below what they perceived to be their children's needs. (this from a woman whose husband worked a lot of overtime to keep the family fed, only to die before he hit retirement age, of an illness related to an occupation.) I even spoke to one man who regretted not putting more effort into his career--he felt he would have been able to offer his children a better role model and better opportunities had he exhibited some ambition.

I think any aspect of your life that you neglect, any dream you do not pursue, you run the risk of regret. I do not think it is possible to carve out one area of life and say everyone can neglect that area and none of them will regret it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:35pm

ITA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 3:08pm

My grandmother had regrets at the end of her life, to the point of being bitter. It was not about the money, nor about winning or losing. My grandparents were somewhere between well off and wealthy and by any standard successful in life. But my grandmother was an intelligent woman with many interests. She should have gone to university and she should have had a chance to try out her abilities on a bigger stage than her painfully tasteful home.

I think it is easy to overlook your own needs and wants when you have a family, and in her case a dh whom she loved very much. She did what was expected, what was proper, and what she thought was best for her family, but sold herself short in the process. OTOH, I also think this works both ways. Some people work their fingers to the bone, because they think they "must" although it does not make them happy, and others stay home because they think they "must" when they would be happier out there in the big bad world. So, although I don't think it is about "winning" I think it is easy to get sucked into a mode of life that is not what you really want or need.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 3:17pm
I think that regrets are part of life -- but its how we deal with those regrets that shapes us -- we can become bitter like your grandmother or we can face up to them and decide to try to change things or to be at peace with how things are.

 

Yes. We. Did.

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