Met a mom last week with 3 kids under 3

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Met a mom last week with 3 kids under 3
1350
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:59am

A 2 year old and 17 month old twins. First she accomplished *that* through two surrogates! Wonderful what modern medicine can do.
Anyway, she doesnt work full time, she consults to several companies so is out of the home one full day then a few hours a day on other days. Sometimes for work, sometimes to go to the gym, etc.
She has a full time live in nanny, and two part time nannies. Essentially they always have someone with them and the kids. She feels she needs two to properly care for her three.
I immediately thought of all the comments her lifestyle would elicit from this board.
The day she and I met she had just come from a 2 hour session at the gym, and was then heading off to go do some shopping.
BTW, she's a complete rock star in industry, having 'retired' a year ago after a 30 year career that took her right up to the top of corporate America so she's definetly *earned* her right to do whatever the heck she wants.
But anyway, she feels she is a super hands on mom. I was curious what others would think?

MM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:01am
I did. I had my first surgery for endometriosis when I was 17 so I knew even from that age that kids would need to happen sooner rather than later (without extraordinary measures, at least). I think that mind-set and the fact that most women in my family marry young and have children young made it seem very normal and positive. I met my DH when I was 19 and did not consider looking any more. We married when I graduated from college and had kids 5 years later when I graduated from grad school. If I had not been "okay" with marrying young/having kids young, chances are I would not have settled into a serious relationship at 19.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:01am
as the mother of a teen i dont know that i agree with your last statement. certainly some decisions they become better at making but peer pressure while greatest in middle school is still very huge in high school - although i have to say i dont see any or very little peer pressure in elementary school. i would think that being thrown into the high school climate without ever having to deal with peer pressure would be a daunting task for a teen. although i dont know your situation, maybe your daughter already has friends who attend public school who will assimilate her into their crowd. fitting in is a very important thing to most teens regardless of their background
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:04am

What a wonderful illustration of my point. Please, be very sure that you are *completely* clear that "preschool" is NOT "daycare", lol. Wouldn't want anyone to mistake the two.

Shades of gray......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:08am

"IOW, a child must experience something first hand to have any knowledge of the subject." When it comes to relationships and human interaction, YES, they really do have to experience to understand it. Drugs are not an example of a human relationship but sex certainly is. Your child will not understand how to TRULY conductthemselves in a sexual relationship until they have one. You can give guidelines such as "use protection" and "no means no", but until they are actually in one, they will have only a vaguely academic understanding of sex. Luckily that is all that is needed until adulthood so there is no need to experiment as a literal child. However, the foundations of a sexual relationship are set in childhood and include EXPERIENCE with how to interact with peers both positively and negatively. A child with no experience of the wiles, headgames and outright hostility of other children will be easy pickings as an afult for date rape (not able to spot the warning signs) and other predatory or negative sexual behaviour.

You can't spot the bad guys when you're 21 if you never had to spot them when you were 11.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:12am
i prefer to teach my kids how to deal with people who are bad influences, because the reality is that long after my kids are grown they will still be having to deal with people who are bad influences. personally i think 99% of kids in general are important for my kids to be around (doesnt really matter how they are being educated) because even those i dont want my child to form friendships with are ways to teach her about choosing friends and making good choices - something that is much easier to teach during the elementary school years than later.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:16am
certainly i know people whose kids have fallen in with the wrong crowd, but it is normally in middle/high school not elementary school
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:24am
but you see alot of kids are not in a classroom with 25 other uppermiddle class students. my daughter is in a class with 18 other children whose socio-economic situation runs the gamut from weathy to dirt poor, from children who are extremely bright to one little boy who is totally handicapped (can not walk, speak, eat, etc...) from only children to children from huge families, from all aspects of family life....so yes, i think she is getting a very good idea of what the real world is like, and she is learning it with the her peers thru the filter of being a child. if the truth be told, that is the only thing about homeschooling families that irritates me, is this silly notion that kids in public school are not exposed to the real world.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:25am

It isn't adults who socialize kids. It's other kids. "Social norms" means far more than simply when you should "please" and "thank you" and moral guidelines such as not stealing. Kids need to learn how to conform to the group they will actually be living with after their parents have died of old age.


It may not be the adults who 'socialize' the kids but it is the behavior and expectations of

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:30am
you say that you can expose your kids to a more diverse set of children than they would be exposed to in public school - so how many different races, religions, economic groups, political groups are involved in your co-op?
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:32am
i agree. i think alot of it is that kids want to fit in, and they will find the group that will accept them, be it good or bad.
Jennie

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