Met a mom last week with 3 kids under 3
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| Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:59am |
A 2 year old and 17 month old twins. First she accomplished *that* through two surrogates! Wonderful what modern medicine can do.
Anyway, she doesnt work full time, she consults to several companies so is out of the home one full day then a few hours a day on other days. Sometimes for work, sometimes to go to the gym, etc.
She has a full time live in nanny, and two part time nannies. Essentially they always have someone with them and the kids. She feels she needs two to properly care for her three.
I immediately thought of all the comments her lifestyle would elicit from this board.
The day she and I met she had just come from a 2 hour session at the gym, and was then heading off to go do some shopping.
BTW, she's a complete rock star in industry, having 'retired' a year ago after a 30 year career that took her right up to the top of corporate America so she's definetly *earned* her right to do whatever the heck she wants.
But anyway, she feels she is a super hands on mom. I was curious what others would think?
MM

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Here's the link to your post:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pssahwoh/?msg=16641.962
<> Did you coin the term "peer dependence?" Because, in thinking further, I have never known any child so spineless as to be entirely "dependent" on anyone. Influenced? yes. But if you are willing to say that you think that it's a "plus" for a child not to be influenced by her peers, then IMO that is the very definition of sheltering a child.
And you'd be wrong because all it takes is one or two bad apples among the homeschooling community to negatively influence a child. You got annoyed a few weeks ago when I discussed a timely incident of 2 homeschooled children who killed her family, then ran away together to get married before the cops arrested him. There are really bad apples among the small h.s. community too ~ that's something you have little say over, unless you want to lock your kids up in your house.
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That's simply untrue. You don't trust because then you wouldn't claim older children are better at making decisions. Children much younger than high school age make very intelligent decisions all of the time when allowed to. Lots of high schoolers do not. It comes down to whether a person is or is not intelligent, not whether they are 13 years-old or younger.
Of course it's possible. Many teens want to try a different road than the ones their parents have paved for them. If they have the sort of strong foundation you describe, then it will most likely be mere dabbling rather than "giving all that up". Since it is possible to try drugs and fail classes without utterly destroying your life. (OTOH, 2 beers and a winding road kill plenty of teens, regardless of what grades they have). There are other reasons to do these things than a dysfunctional family life. In my own case- and the case of many other kids- it was pure curiosity to see what life was like outside the narrow parameters of "goodness" encouraged by parents.
edited to add: there is an isolated American community- I think it's the Amish- who explicitly recognize the need of teens to "go wild" for a time and escape the constraints of good and responsible behaviour. They have an elaborate and non-English sounding name for it which I forget. Anyway, it's an accepted observation of sociologists that modern western societies (particularly American) got rid of scary, thrilling, somewhat violent adolescent initiation rituals but neglected to put anything in their place so teens must make do with dangerous, antisocial initiation rituals that they make up on the fly. That doesn't make their families dysfunctional. It's just part of the human legacy that modern society has foolishly thrown away, thinking it wasn't needed anymore. (Except for the Amish. But then they pride themselves on holding on to things that modern society has since discarded.)
Edited 3/28/2006 1:11 pm ET by susannahk2000
Edited 3/28/2006 1:12 pm ET by susannahk2000
no dysfunction as she isn't a regular/habitual participant.........has she learned and paved her way at learning right choices vs wrong choices while these others continue to misbehave? sure.
unfortunately, those who continue haven't learned. that's most certain a fault at home.
so since you consider in homeschooling what you are doing with the younger kids, do you also consider it homeschooling when the average parent does the same thing - i assume you are talking about teaching them colors, numbers, how things work, how to behave in different situations, etc.....
Jennie
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I'm sure some hs'd children have no problem with the transition to public high school. It can be overwhelming for even the publically schooled Middle-Schooler because the class size is so much bigger and the dynamics/popularity, etc., are different.
But it is very important to me that my children learn to socialize and feel uninhibited in a group of 20 or more. They will be doing so for the rest of their lives. I am relieved my DD especially (as this is a documented and studied problem) raises her hand in class and speaks freely, so far. I want being comforable and relaxed in a group setting to be a "given" and then they can work on other issues that adults face ~ being comfortable giving public speeches, thinking quickly on their feet, resolving conflicts, etc.
I can see how the kids may not realize it, but I think that sounds like a wonderful thing to expose them to.
My IL's are kinda hands-off with younger kids (they do great with their school-aged g-kids), but my parents are *extremely* hands on, even from infancy. I can see how the level of involvement of the g-parents side makes a huge difference in how much value the parents place in fostering a g-parent/g-kid relationship.
so true, sometimes my 7 year old makes much better decisions than my 15 year old - theya re motivated in their choices by different things
Jennie
quite a few times pka but i do admit that when i'm there, the kids seem better behaved than what i hear dd share when she comes home.......lately that of which has been her own confidence to remove herself from such awful situations that involve the same kids. all the time.
your posts seem to doubt this goes on...do you not think wrong crowds exist?
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