Met a mom last week with 3 kids under 3

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Met a mom last week with 3 kids under 3
1350
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:59am

A 2 year old and 17 month old twins. First she accomplished *that* through two surrogates! Wonderful what modern medicine can do.
Anyway, she doesnt work full time, she consults to several companies so is out of the home one full day then a few hours a day on other days. Sometimes for work, sometimes to go to the gym, etc.
She has a full time live in nanny, and two part time nannies. Essentially they always have someone with them and the kids. She feels she needs two to properly care for her three.
I immediately thought of all the comments her lifestyle would elicit from this board.
The day she and I met she had just come from a 2 hour session at the gym, and was then heading off to go do some shopping.
BTW, she's a complete rock star in industry, having 'retired' a year ago after a 30 year career that took her right up to the top of corporate America so she's definetly *earned* her right to do whatever the heck she wants.
But anyway, she feels she is a super hands on mom. I was curious what others would think?

MM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:00am

I don't think hs'ers want to recreate the traditional school setting. More importantly, I am certain they cannot as all of the kids are in traditional schools during regular school hours, M-F. To me, that lack of social advancement is a negative. For you it appears to be of no import. So, there's really no issue.

And yes, I personally don't want my children to be hs'ed and exclusively associating on a day to day basis with an extreme minority of children who I believe are very sheltered. You've made some incorrect, insulting generalizations about the public school experience. Even if the HS'ing parent does not share your prejudices, the fact remains his children never experience the socialization of going to traditional school everyday. And that in and of itself is too sheltering for the way I choose to raise my children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:02am

"I think the socialization of school is that important that the gifted child can wait until 2 or 3 pm for additional specialized tuition."

I would say that it depends a great deal on how much emphasis the school actually puts on socialization. Some schools have eliminated recess altogether and pared lunch down to the bare minimum required for actually eating lunch. The rest of the day, children are expected to sit in class and study, not socialise. In other words, opportunities for free socialisation are becoming much rarer in many school districts where the emphasis has shifted away from free play time. For a child who is miles ahead of the material (all of the material in the case of a gifted child who is gifted in all areas taught at school), being expected to sit through 7-8 hours of a rehash of something he/she has done years before could constitute pure torture.

If the same child were expected to then immediately hit the books/tutors right at 3pm in the attempt to at least present a modicum of challenge and learning opportunities in his/her life, social opportunities would become even fewer/far between. There simply wouldn't be much time left over for playing with neighbors or activities or hanging out with friends etc. For such children, individualised tutoring followed by plenty of social opportunities may be the only way to satisfy both the intellectual and the social needs.




Edited 3/29/2006 7:10 am ET by cl-laura_w2
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:22am

Have your children ever been in traditional schools? If so, what was their experience like?

Because I look at your views here and I have to believe your firsthand experience with public school is limited. You are not opent to the truth that not all children are exposed in public school to sex, drugs and bullying. Nor do I subscribe to the notion that any child can become entirely "peer dependent" or that the average child cannot make intelligent choices to resist sex, drugs and bullying. I trust my kids are able to make informed choices, and that I can help them when they need help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:24am
I'm pretty sure it all looks rosier in retrospect, and by and large these moms didn't WOH, and I know some of them did feel like they were going out of their minds, BUT they were easier on themselves wrt standards, safety, emotional well being of the kids, and other stuff we tend to concern ourselves with. I think they were more confident as parents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:43am

you're talking about the half mill to million+ properties that you must pay for in the city versus some comporable property in the suburbs for a fraction of that cost....


Not necessarily.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:56am
But I haven't really debated that point. I've been debating other sub-tangential-related-offshoot points. I've said nothing to make her believe otherwise, so she's arguing with me on something that I haven't even said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:56am
You aren't open to the truth about homeschooling.Homeschoolers in general do not lack socialization. The reason I have bought up some of the issues faced in ps is your insistance that homeschoolers lack socialization, some soacialization provided in the schools isn't the best or even desired by many parents.You aren't open to the shortcomings of PS. I do not think public schools are evil as I have shared, my daughter is going to public highschool next year.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:57am
Thank you laura. I wanted to say just that, but it is much more meaningful coming from you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 7:00am

<<>

Crap again.

<>

Yeah. And when do kids get to be kids. Or have quality time with family. Or spend time with friends. Let's see ... but in public school from 8-4. Tutoring/college classes 30 hours a week. Yeah. That kid has a life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 7:05am
I think you do what you have to do. For me personally, it would have been do-able without help but very very difficult with three, but after they were about 6 months old and I had mine on a routine and sleeping all night, I could have handled three. After one year old, I could totally see it being very do-able for me. There was a woman shown on the oprah show who had quads and she was doing it all by herself and they were only a couple months old. If you remember the mccauly's who had seven plus a toddler and they had an army of volunteers coming round the clock, but I saw a discovery show about a couple who had six and they did it all themselves from day one, they just each took 3 at the start of the day and went from there. So I think some people are just more coddled than others or maybe just have less natural ability. If I personally had her money, I would not hire nannies, I would hire a maid to come in daily for about an hour and strictly clean. I would hire a chef to cook all meals and do all food shopping. And I would send all my laundry out. I would want to do the hands on stuff myself, challenging as it is. So yes it's her life and her choices, but I still have my opinion, and she is definitely coddled/spoiled.

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