Met a mom last week with 3 kids under 3

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Met a mom last week with 3 kids under 3
1350
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:59am

A 2 year old and 17 month old twins. First she accomplished *that* through two surrogates! Wonderful what modern medicine can do.
Anyway, she doesnt work full time, she consults to several companies so is out of the home one full day then a few hours a day on other days. Sometimes for work, sometimes to go to the gym, etc.
She has a full time live in nanny, and two part time nannies. Essentially they always have someone with them and the kids. She feels she needs two to properly care for her three.
I immediately thought of all the comments her lifestyle would elicit from this board.
The day she and I met she had just come from a 2 hour session at the gym, and was then heading off to go do some shopping.
BTW, she's a complete rock star in industry, having 'retired' a year ago after a 30 year career that took her right up to the top of corporate America so she's definetly *earned* her right to do whatever the heck she wants.
But anyway, she feels she is a super hands on mom. I was curious what others would think?

MM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:31am

My aunt was always a big proponent of letting her children make their own choices, but I don't think she fully comprehended the choices he was making until it was too late. This was more than 25 years ago--there wasn't so much information out there about how to tell if your kids is on drugs. My uncle was more authoritarian, so my cousin just rebelled against him.

I'm not sure whether he had a basically addictive personality, because I really can only remember him as an addict. I do remember that he hated being compared (not by his parents, but by others) to his extremely intelligent and over-achieving sister, and in some ways I think he was trying to escape and to distinguish himself from her.

I also can't really say whether he might have made different choices at 15 or 20, but I wish he'd at least had the chance. He had a kind heart, and I hate what he did and what happened to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:33am
I'm so sorry for your whole extended family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:36am
I'm not laying any blame on the method used to educate him. I'm only saying that I can understand why some people might choose to homeschool their children in order to protect them from being exposed to certain negative influences too early. I'm saying that maybe, just maybe, if my cousin hadn't been exposed to drugs and alcohol at such an early age, he might have made better choices. I'm also not saying that homeschooling would necessarily prevent it. As usual, it's all about risk management.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:37am
How'd that coffee cup get on there? That was supposed to be a winky guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:37am
Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:42am

<<"whole homeschooling is good, public schooling is evil debate">>

Maybe that's your problem. I don't think that's the purpose of the debate for anyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:42am
from what you posted earlier, it sounds like this poor kid was doomed from the getgo. to constantly be compared to someone you can not hope to live up to is a recipe for destroying a child self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth. my husbands brother did that with his sons and the one who could not live up ended up holding up a gas station for a carton of cigarettes and going to jail. i know i try very hard never to compare my kids to each other.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:46am
oh come on, you dont think the homeschoolers are trying to point out all the evils with the public schools. we had a debate not too long ago where one was just amazed that kids in public school would actually have contact with the general public during school hours.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:55am

He may well have been doomed from the getgo. And I generally try not to waste much time pondering the what-ifs of life, but when I see a situation like this, it's difficult not to wonder what might have happened if this or that had been done differently, if for no reason other than to consider what I might be able to do to avoid it with my own children.

FTR, it wasn't really his parents who were comparing him to his sister. It came more from teachers, neighbors, etc. And I'm sorry about your bil too. I also try very hard not to compare my kids to one another. They seem to do enough of that themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:05am

Are you saying that a homeschooler was amazed that kids in public school have contact with the general public during school hours?

The homeschoolers I know make a concerted effort to expose their kids to social situations--through homeschooling coop's, volunteering, sports and other extra-curriculars, etc.

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