Met a mom last week with 3 kids under 3

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Met a mom last week with 3 kids under 3
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Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:59am

A 2 year old and 17 month old twins. First she accomplished *that* through two surrogates! Wonderful what modern medicine can do.
Anyway, she doesnt work full time, she consults to several companies so is out of the home one full day then a few hours a day on other days. Sometimes for work, sometimes to go to the gym, etc.
She has a full time live in nanny, and two part time nannies. Essentially they always have someone with them and the kids. She feels she needs two to properly care for her three.
I immediately thought of all the comments her lifestyle would elicit from this board.
The day she and I met she had just come from a 2 hour session at the gym, and was then heading off to go do some shopping.
BTW, she's a complete rock star in industry, having 'retired' a year ago after a 30 year career that took her right up to the top of corporate America so she's definetly *earned* her right to do whatever the heck she wants.
But anyway, she feels she is a super hands on mom. I was curious what others would think?

MM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:10am
Did he play saxaphone?
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Registered: 08-23-2004
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:15am

The quality of local schools are not the only factor that potential home owners should consider when purchasing a home, imo and I would think in the opinion of any good realtor. Although it is important, whether you have children or not, it needs to be weighed with consideration to other elements that make a home desirable. I would hope people would have the common sense to consider it and while many do, many also place just as much importance on other things. Many factors other than quality of school have an effect on resale value.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:21am

"Do you think all hs'ed children are gifted?"

No, of course not. I happen to be FAR more familiar with the kind of homeschooling that goes on with gifted children (especially highly gifted and exceptionally gifted) because that is where my interest in the topic has been and personally, almost all of the people I know who homeschool are all doing so to meet the educational needs of their gifted children. I know that isn't the norm for homeschoolers. I don't live in an area where there is a lot of homeschooling done for religious reasons, or if there is, I am not hip to it. I do live in an area with excellent schools where some parents (some creative and non-traditional parents) just don't see their kids needs being met at these excellent schools.

But you did say, "Removing the gifted child from school is not helping him when the majority of HS'ing parents have only a high school degree and do not have their teacher's license." From your sentence, you seem to be indicating that the gifted child is coming from the general population of homeschoolers and thus, probably has a parent with only a high school education. I was disputing that. Chances are that a gifted student has a more highly educated parent and one that is herself or himself gifted.

I don't think you got my point about why the kind of person who goes for a teacher's license is not the best person to teach gifted children. I was trying to say that the best teacher for a gifted child is a gifted person herself, himself. And not many gifted people go into general education in the first place. Teaching universities are not known for their intellectual rigor and usually the cream of the crop does not tend to flock to teaching universities. (That is not to say that there are plenty of very bright people in education and plenty of people gifted at teaching.) One of the greatest complaints from parents of gifted children is that the people who work at schools (teacher, administrators) don't "get" gifted kids. That is probably because there aren't a lot of gifted people working in the schools.

What gifted children seem to thrive on the most is a teacher who is passionate about the subject, with very deep knowledge. And many gifted kids are self-directed in their studies. So a child who is gifted and passionate about science would probably get more out self-teaching in science along with a mentorship with a true scientist than everyday book lessons from say, a third grade science teacher whose knowledge of and passion for science does not run deep. There is no real need for someone with a teaching license in that case. My own child (who is ten) did not need someone with a teaching license to teach him to read. He didn't need a person with a background in literacy skills to show him how to make inferences and predictions. He taught himself to read and has been making inferences and predictions all along. He would benefit most from hanging out with someone who is passionate about literature rather than a traditionally educated reading teacher.

"The best resources and "mentors" work for and are paid by schools." This made me laugh. Are you kidding? When I wanted to get a Latin tutor for my child, my school district was unable to help me in any way. They don't teach Latin. I found a qualified Latin tutor and she is completely unaffiliated with the school system. My friend who has a chess kid has found her child's mentor through a state chess association, unaffiliated with the schools. I don't think your statement is accurate.

Gifted students have different social needs than other children. Sometimes what they really need is to be with people who "get" them. That doesn't always happen at school. They sometimes need to be with their intellectual peers. That doesn't always happen at school, especially if they are stuck in a grade based on age, not ability or potential. They can be very emotionally mature or they can be emotionally immature. They might not fit in. Making them stick it out at traditional school doesn't necessarily make for the best socialization. Some gifted children do not respond well to the "institution" part of school. In some places in this thread, it seems like parents are saying they really value the institutionalization that occurs at school, not the socialization. When you compare the social interactions a student attending a small Catholic school in a priviledged community has to those of a student attending a bustling inner city public school, it might be similar to the differences between the kid who is attending the bucolic suburban school to the kid attending state juvenile facility. Should we all force our children to a year or two of a state juvenile facility to toughen them up, make sure they can practice fending off negative influences? Did you really choose your top-notch school district for the unsavory element at school that will provide enough temptation and negative influence to allow your children to practice making good choices? I highly doubt it. You probably chose your school district because you suspected the amount of "unsavory element" would be practically zero, therefore you yourself have damaged your children's ability to get an appropriate socialization experience. (That would be according to the socialization attitude I assume you hold, not my position.)

I don't get why it is important to force a gifted child to sit through a day of inadequate education to be properly socialized. Who says school is the best place to get socialized anyway?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:32am

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AMEN! Ds isn't gifted (well, he might be but he's just 5 so we don't erally know yet), but he is above his peers in math/problem-solving/logic and he's also just a different kind of kid. Our biggest struggle sending him on to first grade is our concern in guaranteeing him a teacher who "gets" him. We're watching for the "institutionalization" of schools to try to fit him into a box. That's something that could be detrimental to him.

And I agree with the rest of your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:34am

"The best resources and "mentors" work for and are paid by schools." This made me laugh. Are you kidding? When I wanted to get a Latin tutor for my child, my school district was unable to help me in any way. They don't teach Latin. I found a qualified Latin tutor and she is completely unaffiliated with the school system. My friend who has a chess kid has found her child's mentor through a state chess association, unaffiliated with the schools. I don't think your statement is accurate."


That's a reflection of your school system, far from universally true.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:38am

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Which is why tinder's original claim of "The best resources and "mentors" work for and are paid by schools." was so wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:40am

You know what? Among parents with highly to profoundly gifted children, homeschooling isn't that rare. At least not with the kind of parents who hang out on the internet. I've been at several on-line communities over the past few years and the percentage of parents who homeschool is quite high, especially for the PG kids. Because it takes so much effort to advocate in the schools and because so many parents get so frustrated at the way their children's needs aren't being met, homeschooling is a great alternative. It might not always be the "only solution," but plenty of these parents have been down the road of trying to get their child to fit in a system that doesn't work for them and they get to the point of why bother? How much time and effort should one spend on advocating for accomodations when you can just as easily homeschool?

There are people who show up at the on-line communities very resistant to homeschooling. After hearing several other families' stories of heartbreak and failure in the local schools, they understand the lure of homeschooling. But to be sure, these kids are way out there. The kids are rare, but homeschooling as the solution for their education isn't all that rare.

(Oh, and you'd be surprised at how the average school might not let a gifted child skip a grade. Some so-called "excellent" schools won't even let children skip.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:46am

How can so many homeschooling families give up one of the parents' WOH incomes to homeschool?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:15am
No.... but I think that sheltering them from getting practice when they are young and the risks are low is not a good idea. I'd rather they get the practice young (even if they get it wrong) than face it when they are older and the risks are high, without any experience.
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Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:17am

What exactly do you think the purpose is?

PumpkinAngel

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