mommy guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
mommy guilt
76
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 3:57pm
hello!! so my dd made me feel bad today, but i cant change to do what she wants me to do...she faked a stomachache today because she wanted "to spend time with me." she claims she hardly gets to see me. i do work a lot of nights m-f and lately i

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: jhbear419
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 4:06pm

I think that *mommy guilt* is a part of life, regardless of work status.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2008
In reply to: jhbear419
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 4:19pm

Kids are good at that. And if you have to work, that's hardly something you can stop doing that.

I don't understand though are you a single mom & is your dd in school? You only mention working on weeknights & weekends, so that is her free time off of school--maybe she really isn't getting enough time with you. Is there any way to work more hours when she is at school and less when she is not?

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"--Jack Nicholsen, as Colonol Nathan Jessup in "A Few Good Men"
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jhbear419
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 5:06pm

<< how many other working moms have felt this mommy guilt from their kids...but also realize that they cant really change things to sah...>>


About working?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: jhbear419
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 8:31pm

All kids play the mommy guilt card. It's not just directed at wohms. Sahms get it because they don't work like Suzy's mom does. It doesn't even have to have anything to do with your working status. It used because you won't let them watch a certain movie, stay out late, wear certain clothes, etc. It frequently is paired with the phase: "but all the other kids..." I've found that the phrase "Those kids aren't part of our family." works. Repeat as needed.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
In reply to: jhbear419
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 5:40am

When my son got to feeling that need, he and I would schedule a breakfast 'date' where I would take a half day's leave and he'd go into school a bit late and we'd go out to breakfast (his choice) and just take our own sweet time getting our day started. A couple times a late start wasn't possible, so we'd work on finding a half day of school and I'd take the afternoon and we'd go see a movie together or putt-putt golf or something.

We also discussed why it was important for me to work and how the whole family gained from it far more than we missed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: jhbear419
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 10:31am

When the girls were in high school, they were allowed to take mental health days as long as their work was caught up, no tests were scheduled for that day, and they didn't go over the allowed number of absent days. Dylan will get the same when he is in high school.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
In reply to: jhbear419
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 10:32am
My mom used to say to me "sometimes you just need a day."
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
In reply to: jhbear419
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 1:15pm
I don't understand though are you a single mom & is your dd in school? You only mention working on weeknights & weekends, so that is her free time off of school--maybe she really isn't getting enough time with you. Is there any way to work more hours when she is at school and less when she is not?

hello!! i'm not a single mom but my youngest isnt in school full time yet. theres no way we can afford daycare-so we have it worked out to where i'm here in the daytime and then my hubby is here with them at night. he doesnt work weekends so im available anytime on weekends-those days-sometimes-i get out early enough to have dinner with them. my dd is in school-ive been dealing with this for the past 3 1/2 years. like i said in my op, i cant see any way to "fix" this to make her happy. but starting in september, my youngest will be in school full time too-so i will be able to work from 9 on...that way, i can be home for dinner more nights and maybe i can cut out a day if im working 8 hours per day instead of 5...i can change it-in 6 months. but not now. i agree when you said kids are manipulative-my dds are that way. i'd be blind to say they arent-lol. she would probably find another reason to be mad at me. this morning, she gave me no trouble-just got up and went to school. my hubby and i also talked to her and he agreed to cut down on his "meetings". he is an usher at our church and belongs to the knights of columbus. hes been volunteering and going to 3 or 4 meetings a month-he agreed to cut back some. i agreed to take the tuesday off when he has a knights meeting. that way my girls dont have to go to the babysitters as much. (we have a cousin that watches them occasionally and doesnt charge us. but i dont like to take advantage of her generosity. plus my girls like to be home with their "stuff". theyre kids)but any more cutting back and changes will have to be made in september...take care!!
JOANNE
maman2goons@yahoo.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
In reply to: jhbear419
Thu, 02-26-2009 - 10:20am
I guess I am in the minority group- so far I haven't experienced Mommy guilt.

  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
In reply to: jhbear419
Thu, 02-26-2009 - 11:26am
I think they get really good at the guilt when they start to be able to talk-- and manipulate LOL -- and I think girls are about 9 times better at it than boys LOL

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