more like advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2007
more like advice?
6
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 12:46pm

Hey there. I am on maternity leave from child #2 (DS) and i'll be returning to work on June 1. So heres my deal:

My DH and i worked opposite shifts when DD was born in 2008. I worked 6:30-2:30 (that was the best shift ever btw) and he worked 2:30-11p. We work at the same place so he'd wait in the car for me to come out then i'd drive the kids home and he'd go into work. That was really rough on our marriage because the this schedule required that he worked the days i had off and his two days off were when i was working. So we only ever had half days together, however there were four half days...

When DD was 7 mo old i got promoted so i was not able to work an alternative shift, i had to work M-f 8a-430p. So we switch to working the same shift and put DD in daycare. She did GREAT in day care. DH wasnt too great about making a schedule during the day so she had no regular naps etc and was always cranky when i got her. but once she startd day care we were having the same days off and evenings together. we had family dinners it was AWESOME.

Now that DS is born, we cannot afford to send them both to day care. The cost of daycare for the two of them will be 50% of DH's take home pay. So we are doing opposite shifts again. Problem is i've been promoted again and still have to do the 8-430 schedule so there will always be a 2 hour over lap even if dh works nights and no day care will watch them for only 2 hours, plus we dont want a little tiny baby in day care. So dh is working 6 days a week. 6 hours a day m-f and 10 hours on su. SO we will have ONE full day off together and one 1/4 of a day.

Now the question: have any of you ever had to do something like this? how do you keep your marriage together? how do you schedule family time with only one day off together and still have time for dates and just alone time with your spouse? Is this insane? should we just cancel cable and life insurance and put them in day care? sell one of our cars? Or are we doing right by our kids to keep them with their mommy and daddy all day?

Mrs Maggie and Micah's Mommie


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
In reply to: mrsruvi
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 1:15pm
DH and I don't work opposite shifts exactly, but in the fall he usually teaches most evenings. We make it a priority to eat dinner together every night. Since you can't really do that, what about having family breakfasts? Do you have someone near-by who can babysit once a month, so you and your DH can go on a date? For the overlap, maybe you can hire a responsible college age student to come to your house to watch them for the two hours? Or a SAH mom in your neighborhood who wants to earn a little pin money?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
In reply to: mrsruvi
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 4:15pm

I second all of the PP's suggestions, but also recommend seeing if your daycare has half-day programs. Our daycare does, and if the child is there for 5 hours or less, it's only $15/day, which would be only $150/week for 2 kids. Would that be financially feasible for you?

Sidenote: 2 days/week I work 7-4 and on those days, DH works 11-8. With commute times, I feel like I never see him those 2 days. It stinks. Hang in there and I hope you can work something out. :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: mrsruvi
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 8:50pm
You might try Sittercity.com. There actually might be someone for whom just a couple of hours a day would be perfect.














iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
In reply to: mrsruvi
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 9:11pm

I second what finally.me suggested. Look for a sitter to come to your home. I have had two, both community college students (though my current sitter has dropped out and just watches kids now). Her hours are flexible and it works perfect for me. My dh travels most weeks and as an example this last semester I needed my sitter to work 4pm-8pm one night and 3pm-11pm another night. That's it, just two nights a week but odd hours, no way would I ever found an evening daycare around here. I pay my sitter $10/hour to watch two toddlers, and sometimes also my 9 yo, plus she feeds the dog if the teenagers are not home to do it.

If you had someone to cover the couple hours overlap in your schedule, at least then you'd have both weekend days to be together.

As far as your marriage, it is hard with little kids. You have to steal time, find ways to be emotionally connected - to "get" each other and what each other is thinking, feeling, dealing with, show empathy for one another, etc - but if you are motivated to make your overlapping schedule work you can do it even if all you have is one day a week, for now. If you don't have enough time to see each other face to face, love notes (or appreciation notes) do wonders for emotional connectedness.

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.' -Kahlil Gibran



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2007
In reply to: mrsruvi
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 6:52am
thanks for the suggestions! sittercity might help since i dont know any college kids who are reliable enough! i appreciate the help
Mrs Maggie and Micah's Mommie


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
In reply to: mrsruvi
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 4:11pm

to earn a little pin money


I havent heard that saying in forever. I love it. ITs the English in me.


              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n