My child just beat me in a debate...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
My child just beat me in a debate...
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:36pm

My DD is a mature 12. My dh loves Big Love on HBO. I've seen it off and on, the acting is great, but I've not followed it too closely. We were discussing what we were going to watch tonight and why she wasn't invited stay up with us.

So, she asked what it was about, and I described what I think is wrong about polygamy (patriarchy, roles-based power...) She cut to the chase and asked why this was different than gay marriage or abortion, e.g. the majority imposing their will on the minority when no-one's really hurt. I imitated a fish and sent her to bed :-).


Edited to add: OMG - Beach Boys tune "God only knows" as the entry theme - that's good stuff.

Edited 8/13/2007 9:05 pm ET by currieri


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 4:15am

Do? Why would you have to do anything, lol? She made a good argument, and she is not the first to make it. If you want to pursue it, you have to think of some very good reasons why polygamy is different and then present them to her.

Also, although I am not familiar with that show, why can't she watch it? If you did not approve of the "gay lifestyle" would you not let her watch any show that featured gays?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 4:18am
LOL, well you got 12 good years out of it :) My sympathies.



"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 8:19am
There's just enough left of summer for you & dd to have a nice informal research project, in which you discover some of the juicy details regarding polygamy in the U.S... I'm sure if you google around a bit you'll find plenty of testimony from former child brides who were told they'd burn in hell if they didn't marry some old man as wife number ten.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 8:42am

The show has mature themes and I still think of her as a little kid. She is more than capable of handling the themes and digesting them, but I am not yet prepared for her to demonstrate her maturity. ;-).

It just strange to see her connect the dots and not parrot back what we believe.

We do censor the shows they can watch and websites they surf to; they actually watch very little tv and its mostly sports (Go Sox). I do not censor their of reading material. She just finished "Forever" by Judy Blume, I was not ready for that discussion either, but we got through it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 9:09am
I actualy enjoy watching Big Love as well.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 10:43am
I don't think I would really do anything. She is entitled to her opinion and for the record I agree with her. If my dds were to share your opinion, though, I would simply agree to disagree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 12:28pm

"I actualy enjoy watching Big Love as well."

We enjoy it as well. So do the kids. We're very big on tolerance and respecting diversity...particularly when it comes to issues that challenge that norm. We feel that it's important to teach our kids to look at life from a variety of different perspectives. KWIM?

Kind of off topic, but I often wonder why specific lifestyles choices (i.e. monogamy and heterosexuality) are often viewed as being the one and only moral and/or correct way in which to design a marriage/relationship. But then again, maybe it's just me LOL. I would love to go back and get my Masters in human sexuality. Fascinating subject imo.

"I agree with what others have already said. Show her the pros and cons. Personaly I dont have an issue with pologomy provided they are not children when they are married and their is no abuse going on."

I was about to make the same argument. You took the words right out of my mouth LOL :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 1:36pm
i agree. my oldest is only 10 and she is already forming her own opinion about things,about boys and all. lol....when she asks for my input and opinion,that's what i give to her,too. i think it's important for kids to know where parents stand on issues than it is to hear some worldly,both sides view about issues. that they'll pick up,decide on their own......and fwiw,i have no clue what program you're talking about. if it's some latest reality craze,i think the only attention it deserves is switching channels.


Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 1:48pm
Big Love is on HBO -- it's quite critically acclaimed from an acting point of view, and is about a polygamist and his wives -- stars bill Pullman, Chloe Sevigny, Jeanne Tripplehorn and someone else I don't remember. I think Harry Dean Stanton is in it too. I don't get HBO though so I haven't seen it. I only pay fo ra premium channel when Kelly and I get showtime from January -March each year so we can watch The L Word... ;-)


Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 2:04pm

Her opinion is based on what she knows of the show, though, and not a fully informed one. My DD has no self-esteem problems; she does not understand submission and patriarchy in society. She expects that everyone has the same choices she does, and she respects that other may make choices that she would not. She's connected the dots and she makes a well-reasoned argument, but she's missing some nuance.

My initial post was a little tongue-in-cheek. They grow up and out of my total control so fast ;-).