Need Opinions...SAHM or Work

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Need Opinions...SAHM or Work
585
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 12:36pm

Hello

This is my first post to this board. I have been lucking for quite a while. I am currently a SAHM during the week, I work weekends. I am contemplating going back to work fulltime and am very anxious about putting my four year old in daycare. I have tried it twice and failed. I cannot stop worrying about him. The first time I tried to put him in a moms morning out program he had to be taken from the car by force and it ripped my heart out. I spent the entire 4 hours feeling guilty about leaving him. This continued for two months before I just couldn't take it anymore. He is my achilles heal. He is very attached to me because he and I spend a Great deal of time together watching Noggin, Nick and PBS while coloring and playing. I had a very hard time during my pregnancy and during his birth. I love being with him but I also want to get back into the workforce. I know that if I go back to work that I will miss my time with him. I will be working 50 hours per week if I go back fulltime instead of the 20-25 weekend only hours I work now.

What do I do??? Please give me your opinions. Please tell me how you cope with returning to work after being a SAHM for five years. Is going back to work the right thing to do?

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:27am
<> ROFLMAO!!! That would be a priority with me, too! LOL! Have fun, Kristi!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:28am

Girl, you are a hoot.

I hate the time posts, too. But at least now that I've read your post I'll laugh whenever I read one of them.

Joel has that same staring-in-the-morning thing that you and Zak have. Maybe I should send him to you and Alex and I could just chatter away all morning. ;-)

(J/K- you know I wouldn't do that to you. And please...from what I hear of yours, our 2 Isaac/Izaaks together would be just a little too...something or other.)

;-)

Lauren


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:28am

I would feel immense guilt over missing a soccer game if I were not sick or out of town. I just agreed to be the media liason (otherwise known as collecting scores to give to the sports writer) for the soccer board. I am on the field a good two-three hours on Saturday morning. I might as well be useful.


I dream at 8:00 in the morning watching it spit rain to get back under the covers but I know I need to go. Alex won't play unless you bribe him with hotdogs and red Gatorade. It is so sad.


But, back to the debate, if it is possible for your DH to have this flexibility, why do you react to disbelief that other WOH's might have the same flexibility?


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:32am

This really isn't personal at all, either to you or to your dh. Ultimately, the time calculations are complete nonsense, imo, because it isn't so much about time as about comfort levels for everyone in the family. I mentioned the time calculations because you have been very focussed for awhile on how much time away from my kids I am (with all of the travel) so I calculated it to have a rough guess at how much time it actually amounts to.

Ultimately, the point is that you have asked WOHMs here whether they would cut back/SAH should their child express the need for more time with them. I feel that that question equally applies to WOHDs. Dh would certainly consider cutting back/re-working his hours in such a case.

The question is, again, would you expect your dh to do so or would he be prepared to do so? Nothing personal against or for him and nowhere have I ever said that I considered him to be a neglectful parent. Is this a fair question for WOHMs but somehow not a fair question for WOHDs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:37am

I am waiting for the great debate about whether a ball can be thrown in an eighty degree curve and does a train really go only 25 miles per hour and why wasn't traffic jams or delays considered? And why did I assume a ball would break the window? Should I really be so negative?


Poor Alex. He is so happy in the morning. He just chatters away and bounces like Tigger. Zak and I are like Eeyore. Mom is a morning person so they can chat together now if I survive her moving in. The sander/mudder guy just quit and the carpet she chose was on backorder. She is suppose to move in Saturday. It is so draining that I can't even have a serious debate anymore. If I had Xanax, I would be popping them like M and M's.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:49am
I just can't believe there are so many women out there who are so insecure with their own choices that they have to demean others'. God forbid something happen where you *have* to work, you will be so heartbroken and sure that your children are doomed. I have never been able to tell the difference between a child with a SAHM and a child with a WOHM. And before you start calling me (and a couple of others who you already have) selfish, keep in mind several of is disagreeing are SAHMs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:52am
Oh, sure....tell her you're a SAHM.

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:57am
Great Post. (nt)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 12:04pm
I'm afraid that *you* chose your own dh as the target when you said he has more time with his kids than Laura does. And you still haven't answered whether a dad is required to adjust his schedule if a child requests it, or if it is only moms who have to do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 12:08pm
LOL.. I know, I should have let her call me a selfish woman working for manicures and Manolos first. :)

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