Numbers of SAHMs increasing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Numbers of SAHMs increasing
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Sun, 10-12-2003 - 3:41pm
Interesting article in the Globe today about Gen-Xers, SAHMs, and how their numbers are increasing.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2003/10/12/stay_at_home_mothers_finding_theyre_not_alone/

Stay-at-home mothers finding they're not alone

By Patricia Wen, Globe Staff, 10/12/2003

FRANKLIN -- It's morning on Greystone Road, and the routine looks like a flashback to a 1950s neighborhood: Fathers jump into their cars for a day's work, while their wives, holding babies and toddlers, wave goodbye. But on this block of $200,000 split-level and ranch homes, the women insist they are not modern-day housewives. All of them, they point out, graduated from college and worked for at least a decade before having their first child in their early 30s.

"We are our own generation," said Rebecca McLean, 32, a former personnel recruiter who stays home with her 6-month-old son, Derek. "We're doing it our way."

These residents of Greystone Road are part of a new shift in family life: More married couples with young children rely on their husband's income. After years of increases in the number of working mothers, census figures show the first significant rise in stay-at-home moms. In 1998, 41.3 percent of mothers with infants stayed home with their children; in 2000, the figure rose to 44.8 percent.

The trend is clear on Greystone Road. Stay-at-home mothers and full-time working fathers occupy four of six homes. Retirees own the other two.

Even though the women earned more than enough money to boost their families' total income and cover day-care costs, the parents on this block chose to cope with the financial pinch. For example, they sacrificed having a bigger house to be at home with their children.

The fathers, too, say they are far from being the Ward Cleavers of 2003 -- quick to change diapers and wash dishes, and equal partners with their wives in trying to offer the best life for their children.

"We all married when we were older," said Mark Collins, 41, He is an occupational safety manager who, with his wife, Christine, 34, have a toddler, Allison. "I lived in the North End for 13 years, eating out whenever I wanted. Now it's homebody time."

The increase in stay-at-home mothers is most pronounced among college graduates as well as white and Hispanic women. There also is a rise of stay-at-home mothers for older children. Last year, 10.6 million children under 15 in two-parent homes were raised by stay-at-home mothers, up 13 percent in slightly less than a decade, census figures show.

Researchers have identified Generation Xers, now loosely defined as those in their 20s and 30s, as leading the way in taking on this more frugal -- and, they hope, less frazzled -- lifestyle. If they cannot afford to rely on one income, or both parents choose to work, many are demanding flexible work schedules or limited hours to help meet their children's needs.

Today's new mothers feel less need to wave the banner of feminism, and "staying at home is more culturally acceptable," said Stacia Ragolia, a vice president at iVillage.com, a popular website for women.

"If they work, it may be that they have something to prove to themselves, but it's not about proving something about women's role in society," said Michelle Poris, a director at Yankelovich, a national marketing research firm, who has tracked differences between Generation X and baby-boomer parents.

In addition, while some Generation X parents may leave the work force because of the nation's poor economy, many others arrive at this decision because "they're nostalgic for something they never had" in their own upbringing, Poris said.

This generation, they say, grew up with peak divorce rates, high maternal employment, and expanding day care, and are well-versed in the crushing body of literature about the pros and cons of each trend.

The Greystone Road parents also are part of a generation that has put in many years of full-time work and had a long time to think about how to raise their children. The average American woman now has her first child at age 25, compared with age 21 in 1970. In Massachusetts, the average age a woman has her first child is 28.

After watching her divorced mother raise eight children by herself, one stay-at-home mother on Greystone Road said she was determined to carve out a different life for her two young daughters. "I wanted to make sure I had a good marriage and found someone who had the same values as I did," said Julie, 39, who asked that her last name not be used.

New approaches toward family life are starting to influence the way companies peddle products. Increasingly, companies are introducing distinct advertising campaigns aimed at Generation X parents, instead of offering what one marketer called "warmed-over boomer campaigns." In launching its new 2004 Nissan Quest minivan, company officials began ads with the slogan, "Moms have changed." In these commercials, women drivers are depicted without children, using the minivan's storage space for their own guitars, surfboards, or horse saddles.

The ads don't differentiate between working or stay-at-home mothers, but are designed to get away from the "soccer mom" stereotype often associated with baby-boomer women.

"We are speaking to the woman behind the mom," said Kim McCullough, Nissan's senior manager for marketing.

Companies throughout the country are waking up to the distinctive attitudes held by Generation X parents, from how they juggle work and family to how they spend vacation money, said James Chung, who operates Reach Advisors in Boston, a youth-oriented market-research business. This past week, Chung, 37 and a father of two, started a national survey of his own generation's attitudes toward family life and children.

He has speculated that the recent shutdown of the women's professional soccer league can be blamed, in part, on marketers' failing to recognize that today's parents need fresh promotional campaigns, not ones in which they are lumped with all the other "soccer moms."

Along Greystone Road in Franklin, residents said they don't see themselves as trying to make any collective statement. They had never met until they each moved, one by one, onto this small residential street.

In fact, when Christine Collins first moved into the neighborhood in 2000, the 31-year-old teacher worried she would be lonely when she would finally stay home after her first child was born. There was no one in the neighborhood in her age group.

But by the spring of 2001, the McLeans and then the Cunninghams -- married couples in their 30s with no children -- had moved in. Within the last three years, each couple had a child, and Christine Cunningham is expecting a second. During this time, another couple, who had two toddler girls, moved in.

In their morning chats in the yard these days, the mothers occasionally talk politics, though mostly they talk about who slept through the night and other family topics. The husbands also have gotten to know each other. Scott McLean, 35, a controller at a Boston advertising company, is getting home renovation tips from contractor Colin Cunningham, his 32-year-old neighbor.

Each couple says they expect they may someday want two incomes to help support the cost of a larger home and more vacations, as well as their children's college educations. The women hope their decision to stop work doesn't set them too far back in their professions.

For now, however, they save money watching for store sales, and sometimes going to secondhand children's clothing stores. They see their division of labor -- mom staying home, dad going to work -- as the right decision.

"For this generation, it's a choice," said Jill Cunningham, 33, a former executive assistant who lives in her two-bedroom ranch with her husband, Colin, and their 22-month-old son, Luke. "My husband and I are both conscious of that. He doesn't come back at the end of the day, stick his feet on the couch, and expect dinner."

Patricia Wen can be reached at wen@globe.com.

© Copyright 2003 Globe Newspaper Company.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 6:56pm
well of course, but my eight hours i do work for my company is definitely not me time. when i sah with the kids, i had way more me time, as i was not distracted for eight solid hours. we had a very laid back schedule, and actually, working with the kids on say colors, abc's, outside time, etc, was me time, as i thoroughly enjoyed their formative years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 6:57pm
ditto. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 7:07pm
it probably depends on who you talk to. i was in a position a few years back to work all the overtime i wanted, and definitely got burnt out. my group leader i have now insists we stick to our committed schedules, whatever they might be. i work 7-4 with two 15 min breaks and an hour for lunch. i dont take very definite breaks, but do take time every hour or two to get up and stretch, use the bathroom etc, and the lunch hour is utilized *everyday* as i will not get into the "nose to the grindstone" for 50-60 hours a week. as of right now, we are not offered overtime anyway, so its 40hrs a week for me, and no more. i personally think everyone should take at least an hour for lunch just to regroup and go back at it after lunch. i do work with some people who spend more time around the water cooler than at their desks, and when raise time comes around they are definitely going to be sorry, as my boss sees. im not sure if they think they are getting away with something or not, but they will figure it out one way or the other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 7:08pm


I can't say if you're *alone* , but I bet you're one of the very very few in this world that feel that way.

BTW -- why do you SAH?

Edited to clarify the last sentence: what are the main reasons you SAH? Are there any scenarios (in your life) in which you would not have SAH?


Edited 10/19/2003 7:10:12 PM ET by iaudrey00

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 7:13pm
Hey, I may have missed your earlier post, but your spirit must be up! (the "OK" part and the coffee mug) Hope things are well!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 7:55pm

What, that I disagree with the fact I think it's perfectly normal not to want to be with your child 24/7/365?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 8:11pm

You're right bird did make the statement as an answer to op123, and while I agree with the next poster about op123 opinions and rarely if ever agree with her statements but....


While she didn't say that the community would fail without sahm she did say the community was *largely* run by sahm...which would then infer that if the sahm didn't *largely* run the community then it would fail?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 8:23pm

I agree and I am glad someone else thinks the words were a bit off as well.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 9:10pm
I very, very strongly considered WOH "PT", if there is such a thing in litigation. There was a case which was coming to trial which had been "mine" just before my maternity leave, and I went in to talk to the partner about coming back, and after only about 1/2 hr. of being there I could feel myself getting very jazzed up about it - and then it hit me. I'm going to feel like I'm shortchanging my son (and myself, b/c I wanted to be with him) to be at the office as much as I need to be to do a good job on this case, and I'm going to feel like I'm shortchanging the case if I am at home as much as I feel I need to be, so I'm going to feel crappy basically all the time, and for what. I strongly suspected at the time that DS was going to be the only child DH and I would be able to have (that has proven true) and I thought, you know, HE'd like me here too, he just can't say it as eloquently as my boss can. So I said, nuts to the stress, I can go back any time, it doesn't have to be when he's tiny.

DS might not have had the degree of "pull" on me he did if I hadn't known that I probably couldn't have more children. If we had needed the money I definitely would have found a way to swing it. It wasn't a matter of not liking to work - I do, maybe too much for my own comfort. I haven't regretted it even for a minute that I'm not right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-19-2003 - 9:12pm
Excellent point, LOL!

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