Numbers of SAHMs increasing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Numbers of SAHMs increasing
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Sun, 10-12-2003 - 3:41pm
Interesting article in the Globe today about Gen-Xers, SAHMs, and how their numbers are increasing.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2003/10/12/stay_at_home_mothers_finding_theyre_not_alone/

Stay-at-home mothers finding they're not alone

By Patricia Wen, Globe Staff, 10/12/2003

FRANKLIN -- It's morning on Greystone Road, and the routine looks like a flashback to a 1950s neighborhood: Fathers jump into their cars for a day's work, while their wives, holding babies and toddlers, wave goodbye. But on this block of $200,000 split-level and ranch homes, the women insist they are not modern-day housewives. All of them, they point out, graduated from college and worked for at least a decade before having their first child in their early 30s.

"We are our own generation," said Rebecca McLean, 32, a former personnel recruiter who stays home with her 6-month-old son, Derek. "We're doing it our way."

These residents of Greystone Road are part of a new shift in family life: More married couples with young children rely on their husband's income. After years of increases in the number of working mothers, census figures show the first significant rise in stay-at-home moms. In 1998, 41.3 percent of mothers with infants stayed home with their children; in 2000, the figure rose to 44.8 percent.

The trend is clear on Greystone Road. Stay-at-home mothers and full-time working fathers occupy four of six homes. Retirees own the other two.

Even though the women earned more than enough money to boost their families' total income and cover day-care costs, the parents on this block chose to cope with the financial pinch. For example, they sacrificed having a bigger house to be at home with their children.

The fathers, too, say they are far from being the Ward Cleavers of 2003 -- quick to change diapers and wash dishes, and equal partners with their wives in trying to offer the best life for their children.

"We all married when we were older," said Mark Collins, 41, He is an occupational safety manager who, with his wife, Christine, 34, have a toddler, Allison. "I lived in the North End for 13 years, eating out whenever I wanted. Now it's homebody time."

The increase in stay-at-home mothers is most pronounced among college graduates as well as white and Hispanic women. There also is a rise of stay-at-home mothers for older children. Last year, 10.6 million children under 15 in two-parent homes were raised by stay-at-home mothers, up 13 percent in slightly less than a decade, census figures show.

Researchers have identified Generation Xers, now loosely defined as those in their 20s and 30s, as leading the way in taking on this more frugal -- and, they hope, less frazzled -- lifestyle. If they cannot afford to rely on one income, or both parents choose to work, many are demanding flexible work schedules or limited hours to help meet their children's needs.

Today's new mothers feel less need to wave the banner of feminism, and "staying at home is more culturally acceptable," said Stacia Ragolia, a vice president at iVillage.com, a popular website for women.

"If they work, it may be that they have something to prove to themselves, but it's not about proving something about women's role in society," said Michelle Poris, a director at Yankelovich, a national marketing research firm, who has tracked differences between Generation X and baby-boomer parents.

In addition, while some Generation X parents may leave the work force because of the nation's poor economy, many others arrive at this decision because "they're nostalgic for something they never had" in their own upbringing, Poris said.

This generation, they say, grew up with peak divorce rates, high maternal employment, and expanding day care, and are well-versed in the crushing body of literature about the pros and cons of each trend.

The Greystone Road parents also are part of a generation that has put in many years of full-time work and had a long time to think about how to raise their children. The average American woman now has her first child at age 25, compared with age 21 in 1970. In Massachusetts, the average age a woman has her first child is 28.

After watching her divorced mother raise eight children by herself, one stay-at-home mother on Greystone Road said she was determined to carve out a different life for her two young daughters. "I wanted to make sure I had a good marriage and found someone who had the same values as I did," said Julie, 39, who asked that her last name not be used.

New approaches toward family life are starting to influence the way companies peddle products. Increasingly, companies are introducing distinct advertising campaigns aimed at Generation X parents, instead of offering what one marketer called "warmed-over boomer campaigns." In launching its new 2004 Nissan Quest minivan, company officials began ads with the slogan, "Moms have changed." In these commercials, women drivers are depicted without children, using the minivan's storage space for their own guitars, surfboards, or horse saddles.

The ads don't differentiate between working or stay-at-home mothers, but are designed to get away from the "soccer mom" stereotype often associated with baby-boomer women.

"We are speaking to the woman behind the mom," said Kim McCullough, Nissan's senior manager for marketing.

Companies throughout the country are waking up to the distinctive attitudes held by Generation X parents, from how they juggle work and family to how they spend vacation money, said James Chung, who operates Reach Advisors in Boston, a youth-oriented market-research business. This past week, Chung, 37 and a father of two, started a national survey of his own generation's attitudes toward family life and children.

He has speculated that the recent shutdown of the women's professional soccer league can be blamed, in part, on marketers' failing to recognize that today's parents need fresh promotional campaigns, not ones in which they are lumped with all the other "soccer moms."

Along Greystone Road in Franklin, residents said they don't see themselves as trying to make any collective statement. They had never met until they each moved, one by one, onto this small residential street.

In fact, when Christine Collins first moved into the neighborhood in 2000, the 31-year-old teacher worried she would be lonely when she would finally stay home after her first child was born. There was no one in the neighborhood in her age group.

But by the spring of 2001, the McLeans and then the Cunninghams -- married couples in their 30s with no children -- had moved in. Within the last three years, each couple had a child, and Christine Cunningham is expecting a second. During this time, another couple, who had two toddler girls, moved in.

In their morning chats in the yard these days, the mothers occasionally talk politics, though mostly they talk about who slept through the night and other family topics. The husbands also have gotten to know each other. Scott McLean, 35, a controller at a Boston advertising company, is getting home renovation tips from contractor Colin Cunningham, his 32-year-old neighbor.

Each couple says they expect they may someday want two incomes to help support the cost of a larger home and more vacations, as well as their children's college educations. The women hope their decision to stop work doesn't set them too far back in their professions.

For now, however, they save money watching for store sales, and sometimes going to secondhand children's clothing stores. They see their division of labor -- mom staying home, dad going to work -- as the right decision.

"For this generation, it's a choice," said Jill Cunningham, 33, a former executive assistant who lives in her two-bedroom ranch with her husband, Colin, and their 22-month-old son, Luke. "My husband and I are both conscious of that. He doesn't come back at the end of the day, stick his feet on the couch, and expect dinner."

Patricia Wen can be reached at wen@globe.com.

© Copyright 2003 Globe Newspaper Company.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:27pm
Hmmm, I stayed at home full-time for over 6 years (barring a year when I finished up my Master's on a very part time basis). I would have considered my background to be "very professional" as well, though you may be thinking more of doctor, lawyer etc. type of professions? Or do you mean someone who is planning on staying at home full time throughout the kids' childhoods? I think I would find that rather unusual as well (not wrong, just not something I have seen very often).

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:27pm
I'm probably not a very good person, but as a child I think I would have felt slighted if my mom had preferred going to work over sah with us.

And honestly speaking, if my mom had never sah and all that we had had growing up was a wohm I think I would be extolling the virtues of wohp-ing. She was one of those parents who was able to arrange things so that we never, ever had to spend a summer in daycare. She still knew what was going on at school and she still made family dinners special. However, she did change jobs when I was about 13, she tried her hand at being a life insurance salesperson. Unfortunately, this demanded more of her time, often in the evening, and simply wasn't an ideal way to supervise a teenager. I think that her choice of work (and probably the divorce if I'm being completely honest) had a lot to do with how horrible I was as a teenager. She found working and dealing with a challenging teenager exhausting. I still feel bad for what I put her through during those years, yet I can also see that what I needed was a parent who was there when I got home after school and who generally had more time than she did at that point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:31pm
She didn't need to, since it wasn't a stand alone post. She was replying to someone who said SAHMs by definition are not and can not be team players.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:37pm
I don't know about iaudrey, but I sure would consider that a 'very professional' background. Do you know many other very educated people who SAH FT? Now that I think hard about it, most of the women I know that I was considering SAHs actually do have a "little" something going on PT, WAH. (Not enough for them to be "team players" per 0123 though, I'm sure, LOL!)

I'll also take this opportunity to tell you I enjoy reading your posts, BTW.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:37pm

For me working keeps my life in balance...keeps me focused.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:52pm

Well having grown up with a wohm who I guess really didn't choose to work, she had to work in order for us to eat.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:58pm
It's definitely true that some jobs are more conducive to going PT than others.

... The 3 years ttc must have been difficult. I had some fertility issues ttc #1 (and now that I'm ttc #2) and although I haven't even gotten to the injectibles, I've looked into what I may need if it doesn't work. The energy and the time it takes can be a lot.

Anyway, I like to talk about taxes, but I'm actually in medicine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:59pm
Group or team is the requirement.

Whose talking about woh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 2:01pm
Well, it *is* unusual among the people I know. Many women I know have taken less demanding positions or go PT in order to be home more with their children/to volunteer at their schools/etc but very very few have gone SAH FT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 2:05pm
Perhaps the difference was that your mom was happier as a SAHM. You said that she would have chosen to SAH if she could in an earlier post. Perhaps the children feel differently if their mom is happier as a WOHM.

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