Numbers of SAHMs increasing

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Numbers of SAHMs increasing
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Sun, 10-12-2003 - 3:41pm
Interesting article in the Globe today about Gen-Xers, SAHMs, and how their numbers are increasing.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2003/10/12/stay_at_home_mothers_finding_theyre_not_alone/

Stay-at-home mothers finding they're not alone

By Patricia Wen, Globe Staff, 10/12/2003

FRANKLIN -- It's morning on Greystone Road, and the routine looks like a flashback to a 1950s neighborhood: Fathers jump into their cars for a day's work, while their wives, holding babies and toddlers, wave goodbye. But on this block of $200,000 split-level and ranch homes, the women insist they are not modern-day housewives. All of them, they point out, graduated from college and worked for at least a decade before having their first child in their early 30s.

"We are our own generation," said Rebecca McLean, 32, a former personnel recruiter who stays home with her 6-month-old son, Derek. "We're doing it our way."

These residents of Greystone Road are part of a new shift in family life: More married couples with young children rely on their husband's income. After years of increases in the number of working mothers, census figures show the first significant rise in stay-at-home moms. In 1998, 41.3 percent of mothers with infants stayed home with their children; in 2000, the figure rose to 44.8 percent.

The trend is clear on Greystone Road. Stay-at-home mothers and full-time working fathers occupy four of six homes. Retirees own the other two.

Even though the women earned more than enough money to boost their families' total income and cover day-care costs, the parents on this block chose to cope with the financial pinch. For example, they sacrificed having a bigger house to be at home with their children.

The fathers, too, say they are far from being the Ward Cleavers of 2003 -- quick to change diapers and wash dishes, and equal partners with their wives in trying to offer the best life for their children.

"We all married when we were older," said Mark Collins, 41, He is an occupational safety manager who, with his wife, Christine, 34, have a toddler, Allison. "I lived in the North End for 13 years, eating out whenever I wanted. Now it's homebody time."

The increase in stay-at-home mothers is most pronounced among college graduates as well as white and Hispanic women. There also is a rise of stay-at-home mothers for older children. Last year, 10.6 million children under 15 in two-parent homes were raised by stay-at-home mothers, up 13 percent in slightly less than a decade, census figures show.

Researchers have identified Generation Xers, now loosely defined as those in their 20s and 30s, as leading the way in taking on this more frugal -- and, they hope, less frazzled -- lifestyle. If they cannot afford to rely on one income, or both parents choose to work, many are demanding flexible work schedules or limited hours to help meet their children's needs.

Today's new mothers feel less need to wave the banner of feminism, and "staying at home is more culturally acceptable," said Stacia Ragolia, a vice president at iVillage.com, a popular website for women.

"If they work, it may be that they have something to prove to themselves, but it's not about proving something about women's role in society," said Michelle Poris, a director at Yankelovich, a national marketing research firm, who has tracked differences between Generation X and baby-boomer parents.

In addition, while some Generation X parents may leave the work force because of the nation's poor economy, many others arrive at this decision because "they're nostalgic for something they never had" in their own upbringing, Poris said.

This generation, they say, grew up with peak divorce rates, high maternal employment, and expanding day care, and are well-versed in the crushing body of literature about the pros and cons of each trend.

The Greystone Road parents also are part of a generation that has put in many years of full-time work and had a long time to think about how to raise their children. The average American woman now has her first child at age 25, compared with age 21 in 1970. In Massachusetts, the average age a woman has her first child is 28.

After watching her divorced mother raise eight children by herself, one stay-at-home mother on Greystone Road said she was determined to carve out a different life for her two young daughters. "I wanted to make sure I had a good marriage and found someone who had the same values as I did," said Julie, 39, who asked that her last name not be used.

New approaches toward family life are starting to influence the way companies peddle products. Increasingly, companies are introducing distinct advertising campaigns aimed at Generation X parents, instead of offering what one marketer called "warmed-over boomer campaigns." In launching its new 2004 Nissan Quest minivan, company officials began ads with the slogan, "Moms have changed." In these commercials, women drivers are depicted without children, using the minivan's storage space for their own guitars, surfboards, or horse saddles.

The ads don't differentiate between working or stay-at-home mothers, but are designed to get away from the "soccer mom" stereotype often associated with baby-boomer women.

"We are speaking to the woman behind the mom," said Kim McCullough, Nissan's senior manager for marketing.

Companies throughout the country are waking up to the distinctive attitudes held by Generation X parents, from how they juggle work and family to how they spend vacation money, said James Chung, who operates Reach Advisors in Boston, a youth-oriented market-research business. This past week, Chung, 37 and a father of two, started a national survey of his own generation's attitudes toward family life and children.

He has speculated that the recent shutdown of the women's professional soccer league can be blamed, in part, on marketers' failing to recognize that today's parents need fresh promotional campaigns, not ones in which they are lumped with all the other "soccer moms."

Along Greystone Road in Franklin, residents said they don't see themselves as trying to make any collective statement. They had never met until they each moved, one by one, onto this small residential street.

In fact, when Christine Collins first moved into the neighborhood in 2000, the 31-year-old teacher worried she would be lonely when she would finally stay home after her first child was born. There was no one in the neighborhood in her age group.

But by the spring of 2001, the McLeans and then the Cunninghams -- married couples in their 30s with no children -- had moved in. Within the last three years, each couple had a child, and Christine Cunningham is expecting a second. During this time, another couple, who had two toddler girls, moved in.

In their morning chats in the yard these days, the mothers occasionally talk politics, though mostly they talk about who slept through the night and other family topics. The husbands also have gotten to know each other. Scott McLean, 35, a controller at a Boston advertising company, is getting home renovation tips from contractor Colin Cunningham, his 32-year-old neighbor.

Each couple says they expect they may someday want two incomes to help support the cost of a larger home and more vacations, as well as their children's college educations. The women hope their decision to stop work doesn't set them too far back in their professions.

For now, however, they save money watching for store sales, and sometimes going to secondhand children's clothing stores. They see their division of labor -- mom staying home, dad going to work -- as the right decision.

"For this generation, it's a choice," said Jill Cunningham, 33, a former executive assistant who lives in her two-bedroom ranch with her husband, Colin, and their 22-month-old son, Luke. "My husband and I are both conscious of that. He doesn't come back at the end of the day, stick his feet on the couch, and expect dinner."

Patricia Wen can be reached at wen@globe.com.

© Copyright 2003 Globe Newspaper Company.




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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:00am
And I wasn't thinking simply WOH. When someone tells me that their child's needs and wants are above all others, *I believe* that's wrong. A child should not be taught in words or in deeds that they come before all else. They are a part of a family and nobody's needs or wants are always above others simply because they are a child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:06am
Yep, silly you, you sure have misinterpreted it. I said our child's best INTERESTS come before any PREFERENCES DH and I have. I never said that any, let alone all, of our NEEDS take a backseat for 18 years. That would be wrong. But that's not what I actually SAID, now, is it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:11am

You were unclear, thus she misinterpreted what you meant to say. . .but not what you wrote.


You didn't say that your chidlren's needs come before your needs. . .you said your child's INTERESTS come before your preferences.


Two problems between what you wrote and what you meant to say:


1)

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:14am
For about the eleventh time, where did I say anything whatsoever about a child's "wants" taking precedence? I absolutely agree with you on the "wants." I absolutely disagree with you on the "needs." If DH and I are not meeting our child's needs, we are failing in our obligations as parents. Children have no such obligations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:23am
Segueing OT, but I'm confused. What does perfectionism have to do with teamwork and joint responsibility on projects?

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Are you saying if you can't take complete control of a job, start to finish; if a coworker aids in any substantial way, you can't deal with it?

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:33am
Nope, not silly at all. I still think all a child's *interests* being met before a parent's *preferences* is wrong. It still give a child a feeling of entitlement and that they're more important than other members of the family. IMO, that's wrong. But if you feel that's best for your family, that's your business.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:40am
Like I said context. Hint. If you manage to read entire paragraphs rather than just snipping out the part you want, you might find that the whole "context" concept doesn't perplex you quite as much

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:43am
Oh, don't get your undies in a twist. My post to Charlesmama (#566) was in direct response to this quote: "I believe the childs well being or happiness should be put above that of the parents." IMO that's COMPLETELY wrong. (And for clarification, she didn't say *her* childs well being or happiness, she said *the* childs, which I take as her meaning *all* children, not just her own.) I don't believe *any* family member's "well being or happiness" should be put above anyone else's. Family members should all be treated with respect and all needs and wants should be weighed individually and whichever are the most important at the time should be given precedence. I do not think the needs, preferences, wants, desires, happines (pick a word any word) of children should be put *above* any other family members' needs, preferences, wants, desires, happiness (again, pick a word any word) simply for the fact that they're children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:45am
No, I'm not saying "I can't deal with it." I'm actually a pretty good team worker, and I did delegate work to others when appropriate. However it's distinctly not my preferred style of working.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 9:52am
I don't define my child's best "interests" as his "whims" as you apparently do. Virgogirl's post may clear it up. If you want to insist on thinking I'm running around sacrificing my every desire on the altar of my child's whims, I can't stop you, but that's so far from the truth that it's hilarious.

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