Numbers of SAHMs increasing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Numbers of SAHMs increasing
1094
Sun, 10-12-2003 - 3:41pm
Interesting article in the Globe today about Gen-Xers, SAHMs, and how their numbers are increasing.

http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2003/10/12/stay_at_home_mothers_finding_theyre_not_alone/

Stay-at-home mothers finding they're not alone

By Patricia Wen, Globe Staff, 10/12/2003

FRANKLIN -- It's morning on Greystone Road, and the routine looks like a flashback to a 1950s neighborhood: Fathers jump into their cars for a day's work, while their wives, holding babies and toddlers, wave goodbye. But on this block of $200,000 split-level and ranch homes, the women insist they are not modern-day housewives. All of them, they point out, graduated from college and worked for at least a decade before having their first child in their early 30s.

"We are our own generation," said Rebecca McLean, 32, a former personnel recruiter who stays home with her 6-month-old son, Derek. "We're doing it our way."

These residents of Greystone Road are part of a new shift in family life: More married couples with young children rely on their husband's income. After years of increases in the number of working mothers, census figures show the first significant rise in stay-at-home moms. In 1998, 41.3 percent of mothers with infants stayed home with their children; in 2000, the figure rose to 44.8 percent.

The trend is clear on Greystone Road. Stay-at-home mothers and full-time working fathers occupy four of six homes. Retirees own the other two.

Even though the women earned more than enough money to boost their families' total income and cover day-care costs, the parents on this block chose to cope with the financial pinch. For example, they sacrificed having a bigger house to be at home with their children.

The fathers, too, say they are far from being the Ward Cleavers of 2003 -- quick to change diapers and wash dishes, and equal partners with their wives in trying to offer the best life for their children.

"We all married when we were older," said Mark Collins, 41, He is an occupational safety manager who, with his wife, Christine, 34, have a toddler, Allison. "I lived in the North End for 13 years, eating out whenever I wanted. Now it's homebody time."

The increase in stay-at-home mothers is most pronounced among college graduates as well as white and Hispanic women. There also is a rise of stay-at-home mothers for older children. Last year, 10.6 million children under 15 in two-parent homes were raised by stay-at-home mothers, up 13 percent in slightly less than a decade, census figures show.

Researchers have identified Generation Xers, now loosely defined as those in their 20s and 30s, as leading the way in taking on this more frugal -- and, they hope, less frazzled -- lifestyle. If they cannot afford to rely on one income, or both parents choose to work, many are demanding flexible work schedules or limited hours to help meet their children's needs.

Today's new mothers feel less need to wave the banner of feminism, and "staying at home is more culturally acceptable," said Stacia Ragolia, a vice president at iVillage.com, a popular website for women.

"If they work, it may be that they have something to prove to themselves, but it's not about proving something about women's role in society," said Michelle Poris, a director at Yankelovich, a national marketing research firm, who has tracked differences between Generation X and baby-boomer parents.

In addition, while some Generation X parents may leave the work force because of the nation's poor economy, many others arrive at this decision because "they're nostalgic for something they never had" in their own upbringing, Poris said.

This generation, they say, grew up with peak divorce rates, high maternal employment, and expanding day care, and are well-versed in the crushing body of literature about the pros and cons of each trend.

The Greystone Road parents also are part of a generation that has put in many years of full-time work and had a long time to think about how to raise their children. The average American woman now has her first child at age 25, compared with age 21 in 1970. In Massachusetts, the average age a woman has her first child is 28.

After watching her divorced mother raise eight children by herself, one stay-at-home mother on Greystone Road said she was determined to carve out a different life for her two young daughters. "I wanted to make sure I had a good marriage and found someone who had the same values as I did," said Julie, 39, who asked that her last name not be used.

New approaches toward family life are starting to influence the way companies peddle products. Increasingly, companies are introducing distinct advertising campaigns aimed at Generation X parents, instead of offering what one marketer called "warmed-over boomer campaigns." In launching its new 2004 Nissan Quest minivan, company officials began ads with the slogan, "Moms have changed." In these commercials, women drivers are depicted without children, using the minivan's storage space for their own guitars, surfboards, or horse saddles.

The ads don't differentiate between working or stay-at-home mothers, but are designed to get away from the "soccer mom" stereotype often associated with baby-boomer women.

"We are speaking to the woman behind the mom," said Kim McCullough, Nissan's senior manager for marketing.

Companies throughout the country are waking up to the distinctive attitudes held by Generation X parents, from how they juggle work and family to how they spend vacation money, said James Chung, who operates Reach Advisors in Boston, a youth-oriented market-research business. This past week, Chung, 37 and a father of two, started a national survey of his own generation's attitudes toward family life and children.

He has speculated that the recent shutdown of the women's professional soccer league can be blamed, in part, on marketers' failing to recognize that today's parents need fresh promotional campaigns, not ones in which they are lumped with all the other "soccer moms."

Along Greystone Road in Franklin, residents said they don't see themselves as trying to make any collective statement. They had never met until they each moved, one by one, onto this small residential street.

In fact, when Christine Collins first moved into the neighborhood in 2000, the 31-year-old teacher worried she would be lonely when she would finally stay home after her first child was born. There was no one in the neighborhood in her age group.

But by the spring of 2001, the McLeans and then the Cunninghams -- married couples in their 30s with no children -- had moved in. Within the last three years, each couple had a child, and Christine Cunningham is expecting a second. During this time, another couple, who had two toddler girls, moved in.

In their morning chats in the yard these days, the mothers occasionally talk politics, though mostly they talk about who slept through the night and other family topics. The husbands also have gotten to know each other. Scott McLean, 35, a controller at a Boston advertising company, is getting home renovation tips from contractor Colin Cunningham, his 32-year-old neighbor.

Each couple says they expect they may someday want two incomes to help support the cost of a larger home and more vacations, as well as their children's college educations. The women hope their decision to stop work doesn't set them too far back in their professions.

For now, however, they save money watching for store sales, and sometimes going to secondhand children's clothing stores. They see their division of labor -- mom staying home, dad going to work -- as the right decision.

"For this generation, it's a choice," said Jill Cunningham, 33, a former executive assistant who lives in her two-bedroom ranch with her husband, Colin, and their 22-month-old son, Luke. "My husband and I are both conscious of that. He doesn't come back at the end of the day, stick his feet on the couch, and expect dinner."

Patricia Wen can be reached at wen@globe.com.

© Copyright 2003 Globe Newspaper Company.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:00am

I give up...with debating with you not my point, because I still don't want to live in a community that wouldn't survive without a team made largely of one group of people.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:05am
My point was that she is doing exactly what she wants to do. So how is that putting her child's needs first?

Mom A wants to WOH. Mom B wants to SAH. They both get what they want. How are they different? Which one is putting the child's needs first?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:06am

Can you give an example of a preference or interest that would come before a parent's?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:07am
Oh, they're not twisted, in fact, I'm getting a chuckle out of this. I'm responding to a post you made directly to me, you know - if you want to go after me for something in someone else's post it would be helpful to explain that's what you're doing.

The word choice does matter - you seem oddly adamant on missing the fact that I actually agree with you that the importance of the interest clearly takes precedence over the relationship of the parties. Ah well.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:12am
What I find hilarious is this statement <> Apparently???? Please show me the post where I even use the word "whim." Oh, you can't? Oh, that's right. Because I didn't use that word, nor did I come close to suggesting it anywhere. I'm not sure why you made that HUGE LEAP.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:17am
Nah, I'm not missing anything.

<> Then perhaps, you can explain *who you were responding to* in post 595. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=12323.595 You responded to Charlesmama, as I had responded to her as well. Which post of mine were you referring to in 595? My response to you above or my response to Charlesmama???? I think you're confused.

And I'm surprised by this statement <> Could have fooled me. I didn't get that at all from your posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:24am
I can see that's not a bait, thanks. ;-) I guess I'm still not making myself clear. I don't think every preference of my child comes before every preference of my own. If there's a conflict I weigh the costs and benefits just like everyone else does. Hmmm, here's a "for instance" of a time I'd put his preference above my own nearly every time. I'm not exactly crazy about having company over to my house, never have been - I'd rather get out of the house I'm in altogether too much for my tastes and meet at a park. DS, however, loves having people over here, and I can see it's better that he have the opportunity to do so often than that I be in my comfort zone. Not like we don't meet others in parks occasionally, but that I can see it benefits him more to get used to sharing his toys, etc. here and that my preference is not one that is important or even good to pass on to him. Therefore I stretch myself to invite people over as much as I can take it for his sake.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:38am
Impossible to tell from the facts given. Hopefully both are, which I at least think is quite possible. Sammy38's estimation of what's good for her child at this particular age happily dovetails beautifully with what she has flat out stated is her "selfish," not "selfless," desire to SAH. Same here. I haven't seen any of us looking for martyr status, LOL, nor do I think WOHs are. I'd guess it's not only possible but likely that (1) you have also deemed it in your child's best interest that you WOH and (2) that your preference is to do so - "selfish" or "selfless" is a meaningless adjective to place on that situation, IMHO. Everyone's needs are being met, and that's good for everyone.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:39am
Thanks for that explanation. I (obviously ;-) ) did not find your posts to be clear. This one has cleared it up for me. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:50am
Oh, hooray! I'm honestly relieved. (Thank you, Pumpkinangel!)

(Just fyi, as to which post of yours my post addressed to PJM, you, and Mappers was meant to be responding to, it was your post 589 - the "bunch of bull" post, LOL!) This does get confusing.

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