OK This scares me......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
OK This scares me......
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:02pm

I have four kids. I worked full time for a year after my oldest was born and had horrible day care problems. My oldest daughter had constant ear infections, etc. etc. I quit after my son was born the following year and started working part time at night and then my husband stayed with the kids at night. After my third one was born, I quit my job and was a full time SAHM for 7 years. I started working part time again about two years ago and work maybe 15 hours a week.

This is what scares me. My oldest daughter was complaining about school to my FIL. Then he told her she needed to work hard at school to get a job when she is older. This is what she says in reply, "I'm not gonna have a job when I'm older. I'm gonna let my husband work." This horrifies me. She is thirteen years old and all I want for her is to have a good education and to be able to grow up to support herself. That is one of the reasons I stayed home. Now I feel that somehow I have been a horrible example for my children. Not to mention the fact that I now have my youngest in Kindergarten and my days are so long. I am thirty six years old and I feel like I have almost reached a point where it is too late to establish a "career."

When I was in my twenties, I felt so sure that I was doing the right thing by quitting full time work to stay home with my children, but now that I have four children in school I am wondering if I have done the right thing.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 1:28am

If it's any comfort, mine said all sorts of things at 13 that they didn't really mean.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 3:53am

All I can say as a SAHM is, this is one of my fears also, probably my greatest fear about whether what I am doing is the right thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 4:41am
IMO, it is never too late. My mother was a SAHM. Once her youngest was close to HS, she went back to school herself. It was hard for her because my father was very hostile about the whole project (and left her in the middle of it), but she persevered and had her first real job in her early/mid-40s. I was already grown by then, but I remember feeling so relieved. Her doing this was like permission for me to do the same. I realized that I had felt limited by her role, as if it would somehow be disloyal if I achieved more than she had. I don't know if this is a common way to feel about it, or if I am just a weirdo. In any event, my mother just retired after working 20 good and satisfying years in a job she enjoyed. It is never too late.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 4:53am

I have to be very honest here, this is one of the reasons I have continued working.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 6:30am

You have nothing to worry about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 6:55am

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 9:08am
Don't worry mom, she is only 13.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 9:09am

Oh, teens seldom make much sense, IME.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 9:19am

i don't disagree but i sort of side with the op,too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 9:20am

13-year-olds say scary things.