Ok,maybe I should have explained better

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Ok,maybe I should have explained better
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 10:10am

I was goingt to attend law school 3 years ago. I was accepted to the summer conditional program which is two upper level law classes and you must receive a c or better.

Talk about seroius crunch - 8 weeks. Well, I missed it by two points. (keep in mind a C in law school is a very decent grade) Needless to say, I was quite upset.

Then the school notified us that there were some people that apparently cheated (Question)

so, they were going to let us retake the test, so of course I did, and passed. (I belive the test were graded in a curve)

So, my husband said then..when are we going to have a family, and buy a house (then we lived in a condo) so after a painful decsion, I said OK. I was pretty upset. (not now, because I have my wonderful son and home). So, I asked my husband can I go after we have all of these things, he said...you bet!

Well, this is my last deferment and who knows... I may not be able to get in again. That is the closest school me. It is 16,00o a year Part time (which I am going) I would not even think of going full time!

OK, why did I wait so long.. My husband and I have been married for 8 year and we both put each other through school, and it took a long time.

Here is my sob story I guess, I never graduated high school, I dropped out. My parents never encouraged me to go to college etc, so I became a hairdresser. after a few years of partying and nothingness I looked at the people around me and said...this scares me no education, nothing! So I said I am too smart.. intelligence (not the there is anything wrong with hairdressing) Just not for me. So at he age of 26 I realized this.

So I started college, and I loved it! It was me, I do have a brain, I am smart. I felt so good about myself! I mean really, a high school dropout now on the deans list and heading off to law school. I love to learn! I wish I was pushed at an earlier age to love education. My parents are good people, just not into education I guess, they don't talk about it.

So, yes, I was stupid I guess I should have gone earlier, but I did not and yes, sometimes I really regret it! Belive me!

My last job I was making 30,000 a year, yes it was OK. The job was fun and great! But, I always still wanted to finish my goal and dreams!

My last job one of my co workers said to me..gee, I wish I had that much drive for something! Well, that is just me.

A couple of years ago, I also worked in a large law firm to get he inside scoop. I really liked it and got along well with the attorney's. And asked them about the loans and if I would have a problem paying them back, They said, no. I have done alot of research, a couple of friends are in law school 37- 39 and love it! They said I cannot believe that you are not going..you were so excited! Yes, I know don't remind me.

So, I guess that is it. That is why I am where I am. And I am proud of myself even if no one else is.

And yes, the cost scares me to death, but what am I to do?




Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 10:41am
I am no lawyer and can't give you any advice whatsoever, but I will say this, "You go girl!" You stand up and clap and stamp your feet and tell yourself what a great job you're doing. We all have our own paths to take and some of us get there on the straight highway and others of us take the country road -- with lots of detours. You just sit back and enjoy how far you've come -- then get out there and keep pushing until you get to where you want to be.


Avatar for biancamami
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 11:16am
Well it sounds like you and DH made a deal and now he needs to hold up his end of the bargain.

You sound like you will always regret it if you don't go so I say GO FOR IT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 12:07pm
OK-this is really personal and may be out of bounds but your husband seems really conflicted about it. Have you asked him why? This represents much more than law school to you-it represents how far you have come and how hard you have fought. Does that scare him? Is he scared that you will become a lawyer and no longer need him? I am projecting here and just guessing. Can you both talk to someone neutral and get all the issues out?

My DH wanted to go to law school and I was deeply against it. It almost broke up our marriage. It was really divisive and bought up alot of other issues that we have pushed back into deep corners. He ended up not going and it worked out for the best. I would really try to see why your husband does not want you to go and really listen to him. I always use money as an excuse for when I do not want DH to do something or I do not want to do something. Personally, I think talking to a neutral 3rd party (minister, therapist, counselor) can not hurt and might be really helpful.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 12:32pm

Why were you so deeply aginst him going, may I ask? Was it the money?

Yes, my husband and I are argueing about this alot! Today is my final day to give the school an answer.

I am angry at him. I told him years ago this is what I really wanted to do. We have seen a therapist. She did not help much. He does not want me to go for several reasons...the money, our son, he does not want me to be a"hard core attorney" whatever that means. So, I guess I have to give up again. I resent him. What if he really wants in the future to do something that HE REALLY WANTS. I know it may sound childish, but its human.

So, I have a couple hours to decide. I tried to talk to him again today, he is pissed at me, once again! He said, do I have to discuss this again!!! -being very nasty. Then he has said "oh, poor baby you can't get what you want" Isn't that too bad. Then he will wine making fun of me. I don't wine, he is just doing it to hurt me.

I am really dissapointed in him.

Thanks for the advice.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 2:33pm
I was against my husband going because he was not doing it for himself. He was doing it for his father. Also, he has brain cancer and, while he was tumor free at that point, it was going to come back. I did not feel he should be going without life insurance (since he does not have independent life insurance) while he was at law school. We had a child and I thought it was irresponible. Also, during this time period, he talked about going to buisness school, grad school or law school. He would not go to night law school which was available because "it was not good enough" He was totally set on doing it his way and would not compromise. We were also suppose to be saving for a house which is why I was working. When he decided to go to law school, I quit work and stayed home for awhile. It felt like he tore my heart out-I dreamed of getting out of that apartment.

That was 3 years ago. His tumor came back-he had his right temporal lobe removed and went through chemo and radiation. He is doing great-he ran the Nashville Marathon two weeks ago under 4 hours. We also now own a home and have a second child. We have also had lots of counseling.

Reading your posts makes me think he is really scared of you going. Is he scared you are going to be a workaholic and forget you have family? Can you ask the school to give you another week (plead family crisis) and try to go to a counselor? I have habit of talking at my husband instead to him. I have really had to work on it.

I really hope it works out. Giving up dreams is so hard. I would love to have a 3rd child but I don't know if we ever will.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 3:35pm
I have to ask. You worked for a law firm in a $30,000-ish/yr job. Do you think that in any way prepared you for the kind of work timetable and lifestyle you'd need to follow after law school in order to make it as a lawyer? I'm thinking, maybe not. You know, ambitious driven people show up all over the place. Even hair dressers - the ambitious driven ones sometimes start their own businesses.

You've talked alot about your dream of going to law school, how you love learning, how smart you are, how proud you are of yourself. But you haven't mentionned a thing about your dream of being a laywer. Going to law school is one thing. Being a lawyer, another. You talk purely about the joy of the means, doesn't seem you've given alot of thought to what the end is going to be all about.

As an ambitious driven person with a 5 month old, how come you aren't back working even now, saving money for that law school thing. Why didn't you save any before?

I almost think I read that you had a baby because your husband told you to? Hmmm. Now, that is a problem. Not with him - with you. He was quite right. By 33, if you planned on having a family...you were running a bit short on time to get started. I'm thinking, that family thing is an important part of a pre-marriage agreement to hold up. It does come before a dream to go to law school. Do you have problems with the fact that you can't always have everything you want...and do you end up doing alot of backtracking trying to make up for what you think you missed because of previous decisions? Do you have trouble acccepting full responsibility for your decisions? You make the decisions, yet its your parents, your husband, with whom you seem to place responsibility. You haven't mentionned a thing about how you're going to manage school plus baby, pay back loans, manage to pay the mortgage and daycare...

So big question. What are you going to be giving up in life now by going to law school? You don't seen to think this way, but you do need to. Because its always a choice. Which I get the impression is something you tend not to realize at the time. If you end up at 44 as a practicing lawyer, you will probably be glad you went to law school. Anything you might be regretting then...that you need to address now? Some things, like university, you can go back and do at 26. Some other things you have little chance of going back and doing at 44. And you have to realize what they are, because given your outline here, I don't think you'll have the ability to pin responsibilty anywhere but with yourself. Oh, and what about your husband? He giving up anything to have you go to law school...anything at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 4:00pm
A couple of things:

1. If I were you, I would go. This is what you really want. So go for it. I know your dh is unhappy, but this is what you really need, then do it. He will get over it, and if he doesn't - well, cross that bridge when you come to it.

2. You can always re-apply. This is NOT the end of it. Maybe wait a year and re-apply.

3. Will you continue to resent him if you don't go? If so, there's your answer - GO.

I am having similar difficulties balancing work and family. Namely, I love my work but it means I cannot have a family.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 4:03pm
I met a man at jury duty who retired at 60, started law school at 62, and practiced law until he was 70 (and retired again).

It can be done, if you really want it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 8:50pm

Thanks for your wise remarks.

Some are thought provoking some are not.

To begin with, if I was the type of person to get everything I wanted in life would I have not gone to school three years ago? And no, my husband did not force me to have a baby,I wanted to.

And yes, I am proud if myself! I have come a long way. No, I am not blaming my parents my husband my dog or whatever. But, however, yes I think when you are a teenager you do not know what is right for you that is why we have parents to teach us that an education is important in life. To become self sufficent in the world, to not have to rely on man to be able to live. So, I guess I regret that decisions and I answered one of the questions posted on this board.(why did I not go sooner?) But we must move on in life. Like I said, my husband and I put each other through college. I received my Bachelors degree and my husband recived his RN degree.

As my friends will note, I am a fun loving, respectful, caring and modest person you will ever meet. As I said above I was answering questions truthfully.

You are one of the few that has said basically...I am selfish (in so may words). If I was selfish I would have gone three years ago with no questions asked. Oh, but wait, I must have a conscience. I must admit you make me sound like a self centered person.

My last job making 30,000 was not at a law firm. And yes, I have thought about after, in between, how is affects everyone and everything else, for three long years.

I quit my last job to stay home with my son. I did not want to put him in a daycare.(I guess selfish again) About saving up for law school...we were paying off credit cards that piled up during school. We paid for our education...every dime of it. And those credit cards were not any vacations, cars, tv's etc.

With all this being said, I once again should step down. I hate to say it, but for a man, would it be no question..but it is for the good of the family??

Thanks for the advice


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-09-2003 - 9:38pm
Ignore Opinion123 (who is really a man with an inferiority complex).

Go. Just go. Have faith in yourself. All this dribble on this board about how hard it is to balance work and family is just that dribble. For every choice you make their is a sacrifice. That's just life.

You need to believe that you have the power to chart your own destiny. You've come this far, you owe it to yourself and to your son to see this thing through. There is nothing sacred or noble about laying your dreams on the altar of motherhood. Just think what that would do to your soul. How good of a mother could you really be if you felt that the only yardstick that mattered was the one your husband held you up to. Here are your choices:

1. You go for it and it works out better than you would have imagined.

2. You go for it and it works for a while but then decide you need something different

3. You go for it and it doesn't work and you chalk one up to experience and have the satisfaction of knowing that you at least gave yourself a chance.

4. You don't go for it and end up resentful, depressed, and unfulfilled.

The choice is yours. Don't let anyone make those choices for you.