Parents and school involvement

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Parents and school involvement
2586
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:49am

My question stems from a personal experience. My middle child is starting kindergarten next week. I've become fairly close with one of my dd's friend's moms- this is her first child entering the school system. She WOH, I do not, plus I have experience with the school, so she's been calling me with questions and comments.

It started to go bad when she called to complain that the kindy orientation is during the day- when she is working. Then it led to complaints about the parents' read aloud program (when the kids are in library) and other opportunities for volunteerism in the school. I get that these things aren't convenient for her, but I'm getting annoyed with the complaining. How can the kids have an orientation at night when they go to school during the day? None of these events are mandatory for parents or kids. And plenty of activities are scheduled for evenings: Back to school night, the PTA picnic, etc.

She thinks because she can't participate, no one should be able to, apparently. Plenty of WOHP do show up for these things. I think she's being unrealistic if she thought she could put a couple of kids through school without ever taking a vacation day. Am I wrong? Am I missing something here?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 9:22pm
ITA with you. The main reason by me is there is no other school that the kids can go to unless you send them to private school. Where you live is what schools you go to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 10:42pm

They have life long issues. I was one. Still am. My mother was divorced in a time when divorce wasn't fashionable. I wasn't allowed to play with most of the kids I went to school with. It haunts you for life.

On the bright side, I really don't give a care what others think. Though that makes it hard today to get along with others, lol. vicious circle here.

Needless to say, my children's social acceptance is important to me and I avoid doing things that might damage it. I really struggled with switching schools on them. I counted on dd being young enough to make the switch. I'm not sure I was right on that but we're working on making sure she fits in. Bribery works wonders...

I've become the fun mom who takes all the kids places. Has it's advantages. I tend to favor certain of her friends with this. That encourages the friendships I want (I base this on dd's behavior around the kids in question. Some bring out the good and some the not so good. I encourage the friendships that bring out the good.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 10:50pm

Research supports that their grades will be better if they fit in than if they don't as a result of academic decisions. You don't move them to get grades. Unless you're moving them to a group they fit better, then you should see better grades. This is the danger in red shirting kids. If they fit better with the older kids, they would have aspired to achieve their levels. By red shirting you may actually be reducing their level because they may not reach in their new group.

Take my dd for example. Research says her double promotion has to be socially supported to work in spite of her being 2.5-6 years (subject dependent) ahead academically. The school would not have double promoted her based on academics because they agree with me that the social aspects are more important here. Luckily, for dd, the double promotion is supported by both, however, I was prepared to do battle on this for social reasons. If you put kids with kids they fit with socially, they will aspire to their level academically. If they don't fit, they don't adopt the groups behaviors and aspirations. Dd is busting her butt to catch up to her friends now that they are, officially, her peers (multigrade classrooms so she's been with these kids a couple of years already but not in their grade (she has to catch up in spite of being ahead because all of the kids in question are gifted and years ahead of the norm)).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 10:52pm
What research supports is that they will do better academically if they fit socially. Hence you choose a social fit over an academic one if you have to make a choice. I hoped, and still do, that dd's move allowed for both. I think it was early enough and since the school is k-8, she gets a couple of extra years to bond with this group before moving on to high school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 10:55pm
As to the research, do you have access to an ed research data base? Everything I have I've found there. I did a research paper on social promotion a few years back that was a real eye opener. Prior to doing that research, I was in the flunk 'um if they don't make the grade camp and thought double promotion was a perfectly acceptable way to deal with a gifted child who was bored. Not anymore. If they lose their peers in either case, you harm the child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 7:42am

So you didn't know what was going on in the local schools on a day-to-day basis, including the overall curriculum, until your oldest DD finally entered high school?

Having a child in the high school doesn't tell a parent what's going on in the primary school.

Again, I'm just trying to figure out why you are criticizing anyone like Hazeleyes who is actually informed about what is going on in the schools.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 7:58am

As a parent I like to speak with the other parents about what is going on at school. That's why I'm glad DH and I get to do pick-ups and drop-offs ~ lingering and socializing at the school amongst the other parents keeps us informed. I feel badly for parents who have bus-only districts.

I can't even fathom why you would raise such a question about homeschooling. I believe it is incumbent upon any parent who chooses to opt out of the traditional path to educate herself about what the traditional schools are doing. It's just common sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 8:01am
Absolutely. Grades and SAT/ACT scores are the starting points for many admissions officers. They can immediately weed out students from being accepted to certain colleges. There's no mystery there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 8:03am
If they can't succeed on tv, then it must be bad to focus on memorizing important material in school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 8:07am

I agree. I can't imagine on what plane of existence any parent would purposely not allow his children to strive for perfect attendance in school.

Perfect attendance as a goal for school will likely spill over as a goal for her years in the workplace, which is a minimum starting point to get ahead in one's career. Good for your DD.

Pages