Parents and school involvement

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Parents and school involvement
2586
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:49am

My question stems from a personal experience. My middle child is starting kindergarten next week. I've become fairly close with one of my dd's friend's moms- this is her first child entering the school system. She WOH, I do not, plus I have experience with the school, so she's been calling me with questions and comments.

It started to go bad when she called to complain that the kindy orientation is during the day- when she is working. Then it led to complaints about the parents' read aloud program (when the kids are in library) and other opportunities for volunteerism in the school. I get that these things aren't convenient for her, but I'm getting annoyed with the complaining. How can the kids have an orientation at night when they go to school during the day? None of these events are mandatory for parents or kids. And plenty of activities are scheduled for evenings: Back to school night, the PTA picnic, etc.

She thinks because she can't participate, no one should be able to, apparently. Plenty of WOHP do show up for these things. I think she's being unrealistic if she thought she could put a couple of kids through school without ever taking a vacation day. Am I wrong? Am I missing something here?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 5:43pm

LOL, what planet are you from?

My dd got good grades, passed the state tests and was quite happy in her old school. She was not, however, getting educated. Outside testing revealed a plethora of issues, some which were already drawing negative attention from her peers. If we'd left her there, she would have ended up with a less desirable peer group and no education that mattered.

I understand how kids get to high school and can't read now. Their parents made the mistake of listening to the teacher say "She's doing fine" (Translation: She passes the state test) and believed their child was doing fine. My dd was falling off the table, which would have had a huge negative peer effect in the upcoming years. We tried to fix it without moving her but being in two conflicting programs proved worse than one bad one.

She could have stayed, fallen through the cracks and been rejected by the more desirable peer group because she didn't fit in or we could move her and take the chance that she could form a new peer group. She's still not quite there so we still nurture those of her old friendships that we find desirable (we've let two just drop by the wayside as they weren't good influences).

For dd#2, the move gave her a real peer group for the first time in her life. That we couldn't have predicted. I knew she was bright but I didn't realize she was as intelligent as she is. The peer influence at her old school had her dummying down to fit in and the school accepted that as her ability level. The new school placed her, immediately, into the gifted track where she has just thrived and found a solid peer group.

Moves are not always all bad but to make them for academic reasons without considering social impact can be problematic.




Edited 9/8/2007 5:44 pm ET by gr8fulmom1
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 5:47pm
ITA! I don't even pay attention to report cards unless one of my dd's is excited about one. Sadly, grades don't tell much these days. My dd made passing grades in reading and math but I just knew something was really wrong and outside testing confirmed it. Unfortunately, the school wouldn't act on those tests. They claimed that Sylvan just wanted out money and was trying to dupe us. Surprise, surprise, when we moved the girls to their new school they tested in EXACTLY where Sylvan said they were.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 5:53pm
I know that my children’s teachers love active involvement of their students' parents. Whether it’s by email, phone or in person all the good teachers I dealt with at the school appreciate a partnership with parents in education. I talk to their teachers at least several times a quarter, and more if I feel it’s necessary - I've never been turned away, only encouraged and appreciated. It usually makes the students successful when the parent can understand and support the objectives of the curriculum, so what teacher would turn that down? Each good teacher (I've had to deal with one bad) often comments that struggling students often have inattentive parents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 6:12pm

I know what you mean. Every school has a few, lol.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 6:22pm

What you describe is not what I would call "less than ideal". Luckily, the situation you described does not happen very often. I have seen parents request teacher changes for reasons that had nothing to do with a truly awful teacher. Abusive situations are not what I am talking about.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 6:52pm
she's from planet "longislandury" or could be "longislanduto".
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 8:01pm
My dh picks up my dd everyday from after-care and he has a 30-40 minute commute everyday.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 8:03pm

"I would take measures to have at least one of us out of the situation."

What does that mean? You would get your boss fired?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 8:08pm
How do you know if your child is truly being educated?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 8:10pm
So it seems the real problems with both kids were her peers. Were they bad influences? Was she being bullied?

Pages