Parents and school involvement

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Parents and school involvement
2586
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:49am

My question stems from a personal experience. My middle child is starting kindergarten next week. I've become fairly close with one of my dd's friend's moms- this is her first child entering the school system. She WOH, I do not, plus I have experience with the school, so she's been calling me with questions and comments.

It started to go bad when she called to complain that the kindy orientation is during the day- when she is working. Then it led to complaints about the parents' read aloud program (when the kids are in library) and other opportunities for volunteerism in the school. I get that these things aren't convenient for her, but I'm getting annoyed with the complaining. How can the kids have an orientation at night when they go to school during the day? None of these events are mandatory for parents or kids. And plenty of activities are scheduled for evenings: Back to school night, the PTA picnic, etc.

She thinks because she can't participate, no one should be able to, apparently. Plenty of WOHP do show up for these things. I think she's being unrealistic if she thought she could put a couple of kids through school without ever taking a vacation day. Am I wrong? Am I missing something here?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:31pm
In our district, the teacher has a conference with EVERY child's parents after the 1st and 3rd nine weeks. There are optional conferences, for when either the parent or the teacher requests them, after the 2nd and 4th nine weeks. And, at any time, either the parent or the teacher can request a conference. There are also 2-3 other events that provide parents the opportunity to converse with the teacher (open house, curriculum night, back to school night, etc). My children's teachers have always made great use of email to discuss things with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:35pm
We go to open house, meet the teacher, get the curriculum for the year. We then have a conference at the beginning of the year that the teacher will call or write a letter to request. I have only been to the beginning of the year conferences but I will get letters during the year and last year we got the weekly breakdown every week that kept us informed of how our child was doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:36pm
Yes, I am aware of that. However, your opinions about what a parent does with their own children, whom you don't know, has little relevance to their lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:36pm
Then she does not have to answer me, she can ignore me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:44pm
Well, you are basically criticizing her parenting.Many would feel the desire to stand up for themselves. I don't think she needs to though. I am sure whatever decisions she made, she made with her child's best interest at heart. Would you like to be told you aren't putting your child's best interest first? Would you choose to ignore that and not answer?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 7:52pm

I would never be personally satisfied with that type of involvement, but that's my personal choice. I want to know the big picture plan for the grade year, and the objective of each long themed lesson plan. Maybe I'm a homeschool mom at heart without the ability.

I am actively involved in most aspects of my children's education. My two sons are from Guatemala, and I've enlisted their Spanish teacher to help us develop a comprehensive program to help us all learn Spanish - something that 2 hours per week in elementary school would never accomplish. She's given us resources, local contacts, and she also hopes to accompany us next summer to Antigua, Guat, to attend a language immersion program.

Maybe I'm weird, but I'll never be a passive participant in my children's education.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 8:01pm

I've been following this thread with interest -- my parents were both teachers and I grew up sort of with the understanding that the teacher was usually right and they trumped me in the equation and more or less that's true and I had a great education in my little town in Maine - only once or twice did i see them really go to bat for us with a teacher with whom we were having difficulty but I noticed that they chose those occassions very carefully and I think I've subconsciously modeled that same behavior withLiza. I don't really get in involved but when I do I find that it gets results.

In short, I go to open house, I to go teacher conference and um...that's it. I read her report cards and I sign her test folders and more or less don't do more than that. but when liza has some related issues (her anxiety aor her stomach issue) I have talked to the teacher and we've been a good team in helping her deal with that and I think because I do so so rarely when I DO speak up it gets alot of notice. The same with soccer/ ballet etc...I don't get involved with the teachers and coaches, I trust they're doign their thing and that usually seems to work. Only once when Liza suddently started dreading ballet did I talk to the teacher and fix what the issue was -- but that was one conversation in four years of dance. I can't imagine getting involved in what the curriculum or lesson plans are but I think that's more a manifestation of my upbringing and my yankee nature than anything else.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 8:42pm

My father was an engineer turned math teacher when we emigrated from the UK. He was a very smart man, but, IMO, probably a very bad educator. So I have a different perspective.

I always thought I was smarter than most of my teachers, and I probably was in some cases, but I don't want my children going that same road. Teachers should teach, lead, and enlighten. If they're not going to do it, I want to know and intercede. I want to know the curriculum, because some are just misguided. I've got an appointment with my 7th grade dd's language arts teacher because she came home with spelling words this week! Do 7th graders need spelling, vocab maybe, but she's MSWord proficient and that's what spellcheck's for. But maybe there is academic reason for her to continue to learn spelling words. But I'm a skeptic and I expect a good answer.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 8:46pm

hoooooo boy do NOT get me started on the spellcheck generation. We need spelling and vocab drills now more than EVER -- spellcheck is not a cure all and I see more college interns in my work that screw up basic writing b/c they rely on spellcheck to catch everything. BIG mistake. Spellcheck does not take away for our fundamental need to understand language, to write, to understand where words come from. It's like my endless drilling of greek and latin roots. I'd applaud that teacher for making her students learn to spell correctly.

 

Yes. We. Did.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 8:47pm

"I want to know the curriculum, because some are just misguided."

and you know this from your long background in core curriculum development?

 

Yes. We. Did.

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