Parents and school involvement

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Parents and school involvement
2586
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:49am

My question stems from a personal experience. My middle child is starting kindergarten next week. I've become fairly close with one of my dd's friend's moms- this is her first child entering the school system. She WOH, I do not, plus I have experience with the school, so she's been calling me with questions and comments.

It started to go bad when she called to complain that the kindy orientation is during the day- when she is working. Then it led to complaints about the parents' read aloud program (when the kids are in library) and other opportunities for volunteerism in the school. I get that these things aren't convenient for her, but I'm getting annoyed with the complaining. How can the kids have an orientation at night when they go to school during the day? None of these events are mandatory for parents or kids. And plenty of activities are scheduled for evenings: Back to school night, the PTA picnic, etc.

She thinks because she can't participate, no one should be able to, apparently. Plenty of WOHP do show up for these things. I think she's being unrealistic if she thought she could put a couple of kids through school without ever taking a vacation day. Am I wrong? Am I missing something here?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 7:35am
I'm thinking it's more of an understanding without really knowing kind of thing. I don't see her statement of "I don't care" as meaning that she doesn't care about her dh but rather she doesn't care about the reason for working late, she just understands that is how it is,iykwim.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 7:50am
I agree that's pretty damning. Has the OP come back to qualify or explain her original position?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 7:58am
I don't know how to better explain than I just did: <>
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:04am

None of the things you mention are universal to all WOH so do not make SAH universally better.

"I'll name a few. SAH is universally better because school-aged children do not need to be in after-school care awaiting the end of their parent's work day. How many years have your sons been in after-school care for?"

My school age children were never in after school care.

"Tack on before and after-school care, and IMO a child is spending way too much time at school - a sahp would be universally better there too."

My kids were also never in before school care.

"Having a sahp is better universally during summers when children are the at the ages when they are too old for camp and too young for a job."

My first three years WOH I worked for the school system so my schedule was the same as theirs.

"Having a sahp is universally better when a child is being abused or neglected in daycare."

An being in daycare is better then being abused by a parent, so that one is a wash.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:10am

I don't understand how you get to dictate his schedule. Is your DH self-employed or a business owner or something? Does he have a boss?

I understand why Hazeleyes is bringing this up for debate. If a parent can come home every day at 5 pm but came home instead at 6 pm, then there should be a reason, such as he's at the gym after work or he visits his elderly mother every day.

But if your DH could come home every day at 5 pm but does not without explanation, then I would agree with Hazeleyes that he is avoiding something in his homelife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:13am
I understand that. But until I get clarification on what exactly she did mean I can only take it at face value.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:17am
I still don't see how that makes it your fault. Your dh could insist on taking part in caregiving. He chose to go along with the arrangement which doesn't make it your fault,imo.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:20am
There are various reasons other than avoiding his homelife that her dh may chose to work late.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:21am

When he switched from coming home at 6:00 to coming home at 5:00 he started going in earlier. So his total hours at work did not change, just the times that he worked.

There are many jobs where you have flexibilty on the times you work as long as put in your hours. DH can start his work day anytime between 6:00 and 9:00. what time he goes in determines what time he gets off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 8:28am

<> And that's what I said: <>

Maybe you could read my posts, then ask me a question. So far today, you keep asking me questions about stuff I've just posted.

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