Personal Experiences influencing our adult choices and some mind wandering

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Personal Experiences influencing our adult choices and some mind wandering
52
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 12:27pm

I have a friend who has been living with a man for 20 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
my brother and his ex had a very amicable divorce, they are friends. she and dad still exchange christmas cards, LOL.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

This is my first marriage - we met 20 years ago today.

We are in it for the long haul.

We put our marriage first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006

sounds like your friend is full of baggage that keeps her from committing herself to anyone, i don't blame her.

DH and i are not products of divorce, the closest the D word came to discussion in our family was when the stats would flash on the news, dad taught statistics but detested them IRL, made for some interesting dinner table conversation, LOL.

DH and i are in for the long haul, we have been through so much which, for us, has been a great test for our marriage. i credit God, our faith for what keeps us together.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007

I count "the way we

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

I don't really think you totally understand how demeaning it sounds to say people that are dealing with these issues are simply in denial. It's funny because all the women on the My Affair Support - yes there is a board to get advise how to have an affair and not get caught - all believe the wives are in denial also.

The rehab friend - her husband was totally working for years to get her mentally stable - but it all just fell apart in the end. He was not in denial - it's just that dealing with mental illness in this world is near impossible. Were there signs that she was mentally unstable - yes. Were there signs that she would move to the other side of the world and abandon her family- no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

I also want to make this statement more clear.

The rehab friend - The husband laughed at us when we told him their were issues. That was a hard pill to swallow when he found out the truth. He almost can't even face all the old friends.

He would never have guessed the

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
It sounds to me many many of these people you know should be divorced, that it was the best thing, for them, their ex spouses and their children.

I think there is the difference here.

Why stay married if it is toxix, i say get the heck out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000

I'm going by what you said here:

My friend whos xh introduced his son to his affair partner 3 yrs before she found out about her - during their marriage - DEVESTATED - NEVER, NEVER, NEVER

The rehab friend - The husband laughed at us when we told him their were issues. That was a hard pill to swallow when he found out the truth. He almost can't even face all the old friends.

You said that your friend laughed in your face when you told him there were issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

What does that mean - saw them coming a mile away. They stayed unhappily married for years?

Most of the divorced parents at our kids school sit together at the annual auction, except one. Last year my friends was in charge of seating. Catholic School.

I have been through it in my head - are my friends freaks. Family - not many divorces (2 out of 40), oldest son's class - 1 divorce out of 15, 3 deaths - all mothers, youngest son's class - I don't know them that well yet (it's his first year), work - (50/50), husband's last job (almost all divorced), husband's current less stressful job (none divorced), neighborhood (50/50).

It is nice that your friends are not divorcing at the national average. Maybe that is what is putting my world out of balance. :smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

It took me years of counseling to truly understand the same thing that you don't understand.

So I believe you that you can not for a second conceive that what I am saying is true. I hope you never ever ever really understand.