Personal Experiences influencing our adult choices and some mind wandering

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Personal Experiences influencing our adult choices and some mind wandering
52
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 12:27pm

I have a friend who has been living with a man for 20 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007

The ones who got divorced, divorced after several years of trying to make it work.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

That's one way we differ.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
"That's one way we differ. I've never believed it could NEVER NEVER NEVER happen to me, and the op wasn't saying that either. :

I agree with you, there is the diff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009

I do not think it takes years of counceling for everyone to fiqure out there

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007

Dh was 33 and I was 30 when we married.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

Good for him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000

What is it that I don't understand?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

For me, signs of marital problems - No, because there were no marital problems. That is what took years of counseling for me to understand.

Signs of affair - not answering phone on about 5 occasions that did not really add up - yes - the affair only lasted 3 weeks before I figured it out.

So you think all people with bi-polar disorder and panic attacks get divorced? Sure it was hard - they had problems - he had to adjust - but the marital problems - he did not see.

My husband did not answer his phone - AFFAIR! That is not really how it works.

My marriage was NOT in trouble - that is what all the counseling was about - my husband was in trouble. I of course blamed myself. I was not good enough some how right or my marriage was a sham? Counseling is what helped me understand I was not in denial, I couldn't have guessed this, I did not contribute to it, my husband did love me, etc.

People are in very stable loving relationships and somebody in that relationship has an affair.

You said

< There are people who don't want to admit that there were signs their marriage was in trouble you know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000

Again, you are putting words in my mouth.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009

It is not always like that. My mother knew something was wrong, but every time she tried to talk to my dad, he walked away or he told her to stop being hysterical.

After 5 years of this, he left one morning with his duvet under his arm. It was the duvet that tipped her off that he was not planning to return.