Personally, I can't do both.

megan_v

iVillage Member

Registered: 03-22-2007

316	Tue, 01-15-2008 - 1:16pm

When I first saw this as a debate topic, I didn't really get it. I have always thought that people should work if they want, and people who want to stay home should stay home. Not much to debate about since it is pretty obvious that kids can thrive in either situation. What I didn't get was the constant debate that would go on in my head with myself over which is better for me, personally.
Obviously staying home full time is only an option for those of us who have the financial means to do so. I am ready to throw in the towel. I think I agree with the people that say the idea of having it all, children and a career and being successful in both areas and being happy is a myth. I am sure there are some women who can handle it and do it well but I am realizing that I am not one of them. I was wondering how other people on this board feel.

Signatures On

i_love_the_80s

iVillage Member

Registered: 08-14-2007

In reply to: megan_v

Personally, I can't do both.

Tue, 01-15-2008 - 1:23pm

Depends on your definition of all.

i_am_fine_now

iVillage Member

Registered: 11-08-2006

In reply to: megan_v

Personally, I can't do both.

Tue, 01-15-2008 - 1:31pm

i feel i have it "all", but I'm not the CEO of a fortune 500 company!

whatdayaknow

iVillage Member

Registered: 04-04-2005

In reply to: megan_v

Personally, I can't do both.

Tue, 01-15-2008 - 3:11pm

I totally understand what you are saying. We all have our limits and if you don't have to work and trying to juggle work and kids is going to stress you and make you unhappy - stay at home. I could never work FT personally. I just don't have the energy or the desire to do it. I can afford to work Part time and I love it. It is the perfect balance for me.

hazeleyes2005

iVillage Member

Registered: 04-27-2005

In reply to: megan_v

Personally, I can't do both.

Tue, 01-15-2008 - 7:48pm

I am like Ilovethe80's that I don't have a high-powered career. I don't consider my job a career at all but just a job. I am there to pay the bills and if I won the lotto, would quit in a second and never look back.

I CAN do both because I have learned not to stress out at work and home. Tomorrow is another day.

sewchris703

iVillage Member

Registered: 01-05-2000

In reply to: megan_v

Personally, I can't do both.

Tue, 01-15-2008 - 9:41pm

Depends on your definition of "having it all". I feel that I do have it all--I have a happy, successful marriage (coming up on on 35 years), 3 great adult dds (soon to be 30--on Thursday, 27, and 23), 2 grandchildren (2 1/2 and 8 months; by the soon-to-be-30 yo), one great ds (he'll be ten next month), and a job/career that I love (dressmaking). My house isn't Better Homes and Garden (I'd rather sew than deep clean) and Dylan does wear cargo pants with big holes in the knees (his favorite--on Saturdays only); but because I work, dh is able to pursue his dream job/career of being a caregiver/driver of mentally/physically handicapped adults.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

myshkamouse

iVillage Member

Registered: 03-26-2003

In reply to: megan_v

Personally, I can't do both.

Tue, 01-15-2008 - 10:36pm

Well for me it hasnt been a myth. Its not always easy, but, I can definetly say I've been happy as a mom and in my career. I'm constantly looking for balance, and re-evaluating as I go, but for now, with three kids (4 1/2 year old twins; and a 2 month old) I'm happy with both. I'm a mom first and foremost, but I also really enjoy my career and its very lucrative.

I'll continue to take a "pulse" on it, but so far, so good.

mom24guys

iVillage Member

Registered: 10-13-2007

In reply to: megan_v

Personally, I can't do both.

Wed, 01-16-2008 - 10:09am

i think having it all, means different things to different people. For me personally, I love being home with my 4 kids right now. We don't live in a mansion or take fancy vacations, but we are happy. We have all that we need at this point in our lives!

Lori

megan_v

iVillage Member

Registered: 03-22-2007

In reply to: megan_v

Personally, I can't do both.

Wed, 01-16-2008 - 10:29am

I am glad to see so many women finding a good mix for themselves. I find that when I am trying to do everything I don't do anything particularly well. If I am going to work then I want to be really good at that, and since I am a mom I want to do that really well. I end up feeling not particularly successful at either and I find that distressful.

sewchris703

iVillage Member

Registered: 01-05-2000

In reply to: megan_v

Personally, I can't do both.

Wed, 01-16-2008 - 10:36am

One of my mantras is "sometimes good enough is really best in the long run". Perfection can be hard to live up to and, imo, does our children a disservice as a role model. Not to mention the wear and tear on one's physical and emotional health and the toll it can take on the marriage.

Chris