priorities; what do the children give up

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
priorities; what do the children give up
1349
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 6:49pm
This topic "piggybacks" on the priorities topic where we discussed what we gave up as working women and moms, what do you think our children give up...honestly!? What do you think they gain? Also please mention your own mothers status and your experience of a child as a SAH or WOH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 7:12pm

As a WOHM, my kids have given up:


-- my attendance at many/most

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 11:15pm

I don't know....it's been a priority to me that my kids haven't given up the type of childhood that we want for them, regardless of working status.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2000
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 2:05am

As a daycare teacher, and child raised by working grandparents...children give up
- ability to talk about things that happen at school when it is fresh in their minds...they talk to others instead - like daycare teachers!
- knowing that their parent is available to them whenever they need them.
- having parents involved in their school day for homeschooling, school parties, and field trips.
- they may have a bigger house, but they are not home much to enjoy it.
- parents who have the time and energy to play with their children.
- lots of quality family time, as parents must make dinner, do household maintenance (like cleaning, repairs, etc.), get homework done, and get children played and put to bed only to get children up to do it again the next day.
- homemade meals and treats that are tastier and more nutritious than quick easy store bought things.


Children gain...
- they gain material things
- bigger house

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 2:12am

Honestly? I think my child gains and loses on account of my parenting and personal priorities, but not on account of my work status. IOW, if it is important to me for my child to have something, I will make that happen whether I work or not. Conversely, if the something is not important to me, she is not likely to get it, again regardless of my work situation.

My mother was a SAHM, with no help and a big house that needed difficult cleaning and heavy maintenance (like an acre of land and only a hand-powered mower, windows that had to be stripped and repainted). She was a very busy woman. She worked and we played, either outside or upstairs. It was fine and I remember her as quite sweet, but we did not exactly get much attention, individual or otherwise. Although I work/study, dd gets more attention from me than most SAH kids got in my childhood.

~~~~~ o o o ~~~~

“The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.”

Alphonse de Lamartine, 1790-1869

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 2:24am

In your experience perhaps, not in mine. Good and nutritious food is a big priority for me. We eat very well, regardless of my work status. The cleaning may slide, but not the food.

I have always been the one to pick dd up from school. We deliberately live and work in the same neighborhood where dd goes to school. Most days we all meet at home for lunch (a hot, homemade lunch) when school lets out.

I do not play with children. It does not matter how much time I have on my hands, it simply is not my thing. OTOH, I have spent years of my life in playgrounds when dd was small, but firmly parked on a bench with my knitting or a newspaper. Children need to play with other children, IMO.

At dd's school parents were not welcome at school or on field trips (which was fine with me), so that was not an issue. As far as homeschooling, I have done a lot of supplementary teaching for dd over the years (she is schooled in Greek, so I have had to do a lot of the English teaching, as well as provide extra math). My working and having my own stuff did not prevent me from doing that. Dd is about to graduate HS and is quite accomplished, I think.

Oh, and the poor thing doesn't even have a bigger house, lol. In fact we live in a very small house, in part to make our lives easier to manage.

~~~~~ o o o ~~~~

“The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.”

Alphonse de Lamartine, 1790-1869

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2000
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 2:45am

I suppose it depends on what you mean by good nutritious food...for me that is a whole food diet, filled with fermented grains, live cultures of probiotics, made fresh daily, home baked bread made with fresh ground flours (though I have to travel to my friend's house weekly to ground my wheat berries as I do not yet have my own grain grinder)...those things take a great deal of time, and all of my girls love helping out with all of it!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 3:33am

No matter which choice is taken, things are given up. It's the nature of choices. If you choose A, you give up B and all the benefits of B. If you choose B you give up A and all the benefits of B.

What matters in SAH and WOH is whether the choice ensures NEEDS of the children are met and once that's accomplished, anything else is gravy.

I'm a WOHM. My Mom was a WOHM (mostly--there were 3 years while we were stationed in Germany and she couldn't work, but the rest of the time, Mom WOH.) My Mom is an only child, but my Dad is the oldest of 8. Of my aunts on Dad's side (both his sisters and his SILs), about half of them WOH, the other half SAH. Dad's Mom (of the 8 kids) WOH. Mom's Mom SAH.

My family experience is that a family chooses the employment situation that suits their needs best and both choices are valid and neither choice shortchanges the children.

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Kitty

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Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 4:19am
As my good (but fake internet) friend, Vaniam, said nearly 10 years ago on Current Debates, I don't want to make my kid's Christmas outfit out of dryer lint.

I work for money, myself. Nothing more, nothing less. I would be a SAHM in a heartbeat if I could. And I could. But I have no interest in fashioning my daughter's Xmas dress from dryer lint. I don't wish to buy birthday presents from the dollar store. I wish for my child to have access to swimming lessons, enrichment activities and such. I like to buy what I want in the grocery store. And I want cable. And I want 2 cars. And I want to make the odd spontaneous purchase. And I want to decide at the last minute that we're going out for dinner. And I don't wish to rent. I want to own.

Dated 12/14/1999

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Kitty

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Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 6:53am

I'm a teacher so I have the same schedule as my son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 8:42am
Are you talking about your kids, or kids in general. Because few of your generalizations, if that is what they are, are true in our family. I take and pick up my kids from school, I've been the room mother for at least one of my kids every year since they've been in school, we seldom eat out during the week, etc, etc, etc.

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