priorities; what do the children give up

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
priorities; what do the children give up
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 6:49pm
This topic "piggybacks" on the priorities topic where we discussed what we gave up as working women and moms, what do you think our children give up...honestly!? What do you think they gain? Also please mention your own mothers status and your experience of a child as a SAH or WOH.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 4:28pm

I'm going to take this point by point:

"Children give up:

ability to talk about things that happen at school when it is fresh in their minds...they talk to others instead - like daycare teachers! "

Why is this so important? I think it's healthy for children to forge relationships with other adults when they are very young, as it helps them choose mentors when they are older. And it is healthy for parents to not know every detail of their children's lives at school.

"- knowing that their parent is available to them whenever they need them."

Once a child is in school, their parents are not available to them whenever they need them, so they must learn some vital, self-comforting skills on their own.

"- having parents involved in their school day for homeschooling, school parties, and field trips."

Most working parents are involved in their children's schools. And what is wrong with letting a child's world (school, in this example) be just that, the child's world?

"- they may have a bigger house, but they are not home much to enjoy it."

It simply isn't true that having two incomes always translates to a bigger house, or a workaholic lifestyle. Many parents work just to pay the mortgage on their small house.

"- parents who have the time and energy to play with their children."

Not all work is draining. And many of us don't believe in playing with our children.

"- lots of quality family time, as parents must make dinner, do household maintenance (like cleaning, repairs, etc.), get homework done, and get children played and put to bed only to get children up to do it again the next day."

Many families with an SAHP have these same issues. The key is to find fulfillment in the life you do have, even if some weekdays are drudgery. There are just as many unhappy SAHMs as there are WOHMs.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 4:52pm
LOL, nice to have company for once. Usually I get smacked around a bit for that one, but dd seems to have grown up to be perfectly fine in spite of my lack of playing.

~~~~~ o o o ~~~~

“The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.”

Alphonse de Lamartine, 1790-1869

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 5:23pm

What my children give up:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 5:33pm

chiming in to say ITA.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 6:12pm

<< and didn't see our kids until a 5,6 hour.>>

Do you mean until 5 or 6 oclock?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 6:16pm

Next year


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 6:48pm
Exactly, DD3's last two years of high school she was out of the house more hours for school and school related things than I was working full time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 7:02pm

I am really curious about something. Do you think that a child knowing that they have certain things due to an income earned by one or both parents means that they will place a value on materialism? I do not see that connection and I would really like to understand it.

With regard to entitlement, I would actually see it the other way--if a child has an item, but does not have an understanding that someone had to work hard for that item, I would expect them to take it more for granted than someone who understood that the item was purchased with money that was earned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 7:05pm

Do you really think materialism or children's entitlement issues are related to parental work status?

My children most definitely know that they are among "the haves", as two of my children have family living in poverty in Latin America. The lesson is a profound one in our home. I don't look at it in a "there but for the grace of God" sense, but in a way that we know I have a tremendous responsibility to give back to the less fortunate. My preteen boys are already talking about ways they can return to their birth country and make a difference whether it be as a doctor, engineer, or something else. Our family recognizes that there are "have nots", and it is our responsibility to work to make the world more equitable for all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 7:40pm

I thought of another thing my kids have gained by my working outside the home - time with DH.