The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
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| Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm |
I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.
I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).
I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.
To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;
"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."
"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."
So...what do you think?
*edit to correct a typo
Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie


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Mary
Mom to Kevin 11/4/03
Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
Ray Romano, actor/comedian
No, not really.
PumpkinAngel
If your friend had a choice between going to work or staying home and collect, then obviously he is NOT disabled. If he had *no choice* but to stay home then he might be disabled, but then it would not have been a choice on *his* part.
Perhaps if you explain how you are defining "disabled" then the back-and-forth would likely cease. Collecting a cheque does not make one disabled any more than collecting stamps makes me a postman.
Do you have another example...?
btw, are you British??
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Being approved for disability would mean he would have to either be disabled first, whether by his choice or not, or be pretending to be disabled, but that seems to have been covered already, hasn't it? Going through this behemoth of a thread it seems it's been said every which way and nobody wants to concede. You didn't respond to my comment about your definition of disability. The "label" he was given was not taken upon by him. Is this your cousin's husband, by any chance? HA
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I live in the UK, but I was born in the States. Why do you ask?
"Being approved for disability would mean he would have to either be disabled first, whether by his choice or not, or be pretending to be disabled, but that seems to have been covered already, hasn't it? Going through this behemoth of a thread it seems it's been said every which way and nobody wants to concede. You didn't respond to my comment about your definition of disability. The "label" he was given was not taken upon by him. Is this your cousin's husband, by any chance? HA"
my definition of disability is irrelevant. the state and his employer granted him disability so therefore he is disabled. not my cousin's husband, a friend of mine.
"I live in the UK, but I was born in the States. Why do you ask?"
your spelling of cheque. I am British, my parents were born there and I was brought up in very proper household, lol.
<>
I disagree, your definition of disability is very relevant. Otherwise the debate goes on for eons. Unless that's what you want, of course *wink*
What is irrelevant is that the state and his employer granted him disability. It doesn't matter. He would have to be disabled first, and for it to be his choice he'd have had to DISABLE HIMSELF. In order to do that he'd have to be a bit of a headcase, but that isn't the topic being debated here. The topic as I understand it centers around the question, "Is it possible to choose to be disabled?" Therefore if you define it differently this debate may just go on forever... ;)
so it's not possible to choose to be disabled?
However, if you have another scenario under your hat, feel free to post it! ;)
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