The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 4:51pm

Posted what a few hundred posts ago?

And likewise, just because you say it does happen, doesn't make it true.

I think you and I just run with much different crowds. ;)

Karalee
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:03pm

"Posted what a few hundred posts ago?"

groan

"And likewise, just because you say it does happen, doesn't make it true."
yes it happened in my personal situation.

"I think you and I just run with much different crowds. ;)"
what crowds would those be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:29pm

Sorry...you posted "groan" a couple hundred posts ago? That makes no sense.

<<"And likewise, just because you say it does happen, doesn't make it true."
yes it happened in my personal situation.>>

It happened to you personally?

If you are talking about the man you know who may or may not be exagerating an injury to collect payments, I'm afraid you haven't shown that he chose to become disabled. Not at all. And I have gone through this thread thoroughly, so I didn't miss any "groans." If you could try again with a different situation that actually shows someone choosing to become disabled, I'll be glad to discuss this more tomorrow, otherwise I don't think this is going anywhere else.

Karalee
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 10:48am

<>>

Please explain that last paragraph in more detail. I find it interesting that you seem to be accusing me of not knowing how to read. Amusing, even, when you consider that even *you* said that you are mistaken to think that.

But do expound on that idea. Thank you. And "lol" to you too.:>

Karalee
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 10:51am
Additionally--you are 100% correct that you do not need to provide another scenario. But, understand that you have proven no point, so if that is alright with you, I will consider the matter closed and your stance unproven.
Karalee
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 11:31am
fine with me. If I came up with another situation it would be make-believe. I used a real life situation where someone chose disability. Your opinion that the matter is closed and my stance is unproven is taken with a grain of salt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 12:17pm
Fabulous!
Karalee
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 10:43am

"So you don't believe in preschool? Wow, poor kid. My kids LOVE preschool. Its three half days a week and they've had a ball. "

I didn't say that. You seem to jump so easily to conclusions myshka. My daughter went to preschool when we lived in a city(ew) that offered it.

We now live in a small mountain town 4 hours from a major city and NO there is no preschool here. There are several playgroups that we attend and he will be involved in whichever clubs I decide suit us/him as they are available.

I don't plunk him in a daycare and assume it is the best way to fill his days.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 11:18am

"I don't plunk him in a daycare and assume it is the best way to fill his days."

So that is what you think working moms and dads do, just PLUNK their kids in daycare. My son has been in daycare since 3 months old (as my dd was too) and when they turn the age of 3, it is considered preschool. This year he is in pre-k and they have a structured day so they will be ready for kindergarten.
I don't know your background but if you have never used daycare, you really can't say how it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 1:49pm

But if you worked when your daughter was young, doesn't that mean you "plunked" her in daycare all day?

I bet she turned out ok. I'd be further willing to bet that 20 years from now when both of your kids are grown, if you asked anyone which kid went to daycare and which kid stayed home with you....no one would be able to tell the difference.

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