The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm |
I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.
I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).
I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.
To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;
"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."
"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."
So...what do you think?
*edit to correct a typo
Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie


Pages
I think you can examine your own life and your own posts and see how someone might come to that conclusion.
As to the post at hand, there is a middle ground between only exposing a child to one type of activity all day every day or having that child not enjoy or appreciate that activity.
"you know what they say about assumptions"
Perhaps you are confident in saying that since you are a fit active woman. Tell me what's up with the childhood obesity not to even mention adult obesity rates in North America????
It must be because I am wrong and the activity level that my family engages in is "normal".
I'd bet my life in a heartbeat that we(and likely you too based on your biking etc.) are more atypical than typical.
Of course everyone is going to jump all over this and insist that they and their families get at least the minimum 1 hour/day of excersize that is recommended and that their kids don't watch excessive amounts of tv etc. but I don't believe it for a minute.
"But anyway if you're not doing these things untl your DH gets home and dinner is done how is that any different from a WOHM's house"
Oh, I didn't say that at all. I said that we do these things in the evening.
In the day, Tristan and I are outside; typically in the summer we head out just before lunch or just after and do a hike over to my SIL's or into town; go to the library, grab a few needs from town etc. and then head home. We may opt to go to the lake instead or head out earlier if I don't need to to any food prep. In the winter I will take him skiing for 1/2 day or snowshoeing at least a few times during the week with playgroup/library/pool trips mixed in. We are doing something physically active together that is a part of the mountain culture that he would not get in daycare is my point.
Next winter we will be meeting up with a mom/tot ski group...and next summer a mom/tot climbing group.....these are the reasons MY son is at home with me and not in daycare.
Very different from most WOHM's houses(including my own when I was working).
<< I don't believe it for a minute.>>
But we, in turn, are supposed to believe it about you?
Different doesn't mean better.
"I think you can examine your own life and your own posts and see how someone might come to that conclusion. "
Actually I do not draw that conclusion or understand it at all so please enlighten me.
"there is a middle ground between only exposing a child to one type of activity all day every day or having that child not enjoy or appreciate that activity."
we don't do ONE type all day every day(if you'd like a comprehensive list I could come up with one...it also includes rock climbing, ice climbing, scrambling, nature observation and conservation.....). I don't want my kids doing these things on once in a while on holiday or at camp for a week or two. It's part of our life day to day just as religion is part of another's lives day to day.
Call it our religion. Nobody would say it is wrong to expose a child to one religion daily???? There are many many activities that make up a lifestyle. It's "mountain culture".
I see the tourists in our town every weekend with their kids in their "sports gear" and they pack up their vehicles or hop a plane and head back to the city until next time(next month, or year even????). I'm sure their children appreciated the activity so I guess you're correct there.
I guess that's an example of middle ground and it's not where I want to be.
didn't say different was better. It's what is important to us and did not say it's better for everyone.
Son of Adam. I am on facebook. If you would like to give me your private email I will happily give you my full name so you can see the proof in pictures, writing etc. etc. of what we fill our days with.
<>
Nobody said what you are doing is wrong either. But to imply that 1) it isnt' done by other families, 2) it is better than what other families do or 3) that it can't be done with WOH is just bunk.
"Nobody said what you are doing is wrong either. But to imply that 1) it isnt' done by other families, 2) it is better than what other families do or 3) that it can't be done with WOH is just bunk."
It is not done by most typical families I would bet...no need to call it an implication; I'll yell it from the rooftops. Childhood obesity and adult obesity are rampant. Pretty good testimony that most families aren't out breakin a sweat.
I think it's better for my family. Again...not implying it...screamin it loud and clear. I don't think it's better for yours.
It can't be done if my child's in daycare and not with me. So I do stand by that. No daycare offers what I do for my child. It's better in my opinion for my child.
"I was just showing you the hypocrisy of your statements. You stated you wouldn't believe us if we told you that ... but we are supposed to believe you. "
It's not hypocritical because I DO believe there are a handful of people as active or more active than us as a family...but it would be the minority on this board I would bet.
It's not faulting the board...it's just that most people are not active enough period. Childhood/Adult obesity....it's pretty epidemic is it not? Am I incorrect?
I think that our family is more active than a vast majority and I am not saying it is superior but it is very likely fact.
Pages