The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm |
I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.
I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).
I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.
To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;
"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."
"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."
So...what do you think?
*edit to correct a typo
Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie


Pages
Wasn't trying to get ya. If you feel there are things you couldn't have taught your daughter that she gets from daycare than great, it's a good fit for you.......there is nothing that a daycare is going to teach my son that I can't cover at least as well.
With the broad range of interests and skills that I have I have enough to keep him busy until we are ready to put him into school. I'm in no rush to cram what we do in a day into the evenings only at this point.
Incidentally....with the knowledge that my husband returns home to a clean home, great meals etc. etc. my child obviously gets his share of time entertaining himself, helping with chores age appropriate etc. Let me know if you need further clarification on what the loose term "filling a day" might encompass.
Disclaimer; "filling a day" may include but not be exclusive to.....sheesh.
"In your initial post you said that a child will not grow up to appreciate or enjoy activities if they don't do those activities all day, every day. You now acknowledge that you don't really believe this."
REALLY? All day every day huh?
which post was this(my initial post was over 1000 posts ago so please be a little more specific)???
Yes. We. Did.
bWAHAAHAH! Diet Pepsi on the screen.
I only have eyes for you ... lolol
Not to intrude but do you think us working mothers do not have days off to spend with our children? Do we have to be home 365 days of the year to be a better mother? I took off 5 weeks of vacation last year, sick days, personal days, bereavement days, weekends, holidays, half days and early days. Most of those days were spent with my children.
P.S. I also have a clean home for my family, clean laundry and dinner every night AND I work outside of the home. It CAN be done.
dh and I frequently will motorcycle ride after dinner...to where????...Ice cream, of course!
carole
"Not to intrude but do you think us working mothers do not have days off to spend with our children?"
No. I was a working mother for a decade; well aware of days off.
"Do we have to be home 365 days of the year to be a better mother? "
Didn't say that but after doing both I prefer being home with my son and I am a better mother than *I* would be if I were still doing my job.
"P.S. I also have a clean home for my family, clean laundry and dinner every night AND I work outside of the home. It CAN be done."
I know; did it for a decade.
Pages