The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:31am
ROFL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:39am
<> Would you be okay with wohms saying<>
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:39am

"I have worked out of home as well so rest assured I have experience in the shoes of a parent plunking their child in daycare."


You "plunked" your child in daycare?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:41am

"Yes...I plunked her in daycare."


Meaning what?


And do you really believe that if you WOH, there are things your son would not experience? I don't believe my sons are missing one experience due solely to my or my DH's work status. Didn't you take days off to spend with your dd while you were WOH?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:43am

Can you explain why you disagree with my opinion?


Do you have friends who are doctors, lawyers or engineers and yet gave up their WOH as blithely as someone giving up a position in, say, retail?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:44am
Just curious, how would a person in your field stay current on the products and technology he or she would be selling if that person took 5 years off?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:48am

"My point is that I can be at home with him...there is no preschool options in the area....and I would rather have him at home than in daycare as I do things with him such as go canoeing, hiking, swimming, skiing etc. that are a big part of our family daily life and are not a big part of daycare."


Education is very very important to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:50am
YMMV.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:52am

"I don't want him in daycare...I want him outside."


Good daycares take the kids outside frequently.

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:53am

"As a veteran mother of teenagers, I can assure you that your dd's reluctance to do things with the family is a function of being 14 and has nothing to do with her having been in daycare"

I have been thinking the same thing -- the 14 year old may just NOT LIKE the outdoorsy stuff which could be her personality and personal preferences to which she is certainly entitled as a maturing young person. I know so many of those families who define themselves as "sports families' or 'dance families" or "outdoors families" or "theater families" and heaven help the poor child in those families who doesn't enjoy those activities. That's why I've been very careful to let Liza expand alot of horizons, to play 3 seasons of soccer (which I gotta tell you I'm the least 'team sport' oriented person on the planet) AND to audition and perform in local musical theater. To serve as an altar girl on weekends AND to take dance or go to the local basketball clinic. By trying a wide variety of things she is learning what things please her the most. I was very careful this summer to balance her theater camp with a plain old regular day camp where they swam and bowled and playe mini golf and went to the zoo and did crafts b/c I didn't want her to get locked in to being "theater kid' at such a young age.

 

Yes. We. Did.

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