The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:53am

Totally agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:54am
Because it seems like when you WOH, you were working 60+ hours per week every week with a lot of travel.

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:56am

"I don't do chores (other than dinner related ones) between the time I get home and the kids' bedtime. Never have, as a general rule."

I KNEW we had something in common.... ;-) although I guess I would just say "I don't do chores" LOL.... (I've told you I think how every mother's Day Kelly cleans my house for me b/c I can't afford a cleaning lady and I do enough to keep it nice but I never 'deep clean' which makes Kelly, the original Felix Unger, CRAZY...)

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:57am

Wasn't your dd getting any exercise while you were WOH?


"Of course everyone is going to jump all over this and insist that they and their families get at least the minimum 1 hour/day of excersize that is recommended and that their kids don't watch excessive amounts of tv etc. but I don't believe it for a minute."


The kids do. DH and I often don't.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:57am
I just hope you make sure your dh is as busy as you are with that clean home and those great meals... you wouldn't want your kid to get the idea that all your skills are incompatible with WOH, especially once you're off the grid ;-)
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:00am

"I don't allow them to watch TV at all during the day prior to 7:30 pm."

Ah 7:30...or in our family as it's known..."Jeopardy's on! Jeopardy's On!" we're such geeks.

I don't have tv rules at home b/c I've found if I don't make a big deal about it Liza will self police herself and balance tv with her other favorite passtime which is "putting on musical extravaganzas in the living room" I will confess that since we've found out that TVland runs Star Trek the Original Series at 6am every day we have been snuggling in my bed with my coffee and her c hocolate milk before daycamp while watching Shatner and company camp it up on the enterprise....

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:00am

Are you sure no daycare offers the variety of activities you offer your son?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:02am
But now that you realize how important being active is (I'm assuming you didn't realize it when your dd was small), couldn't you be just as active as a family if you WOH FT at a different job or WOH PT?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:05am
I get more exercise than I would as a SAHM. My gym is in my building at work and my company subsidizes my membership.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:05am
Please let's get with it, PNJ! In any decent dc, kids chop firewood and fish for brook trout upon arrival, and for a break, they fetch water from the stream! Come naptime (in tents, of course), they're out like a light (a kerosene lamp, that is);-)

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