The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:06am
I don't think you've had any experience with any high quality childcare.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:08am

"...with the knowledge that my husband returns home to a clean home, great meals etc. etc."


Sometimes both DH and I return to a house that's not so clean.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:09am
Psst. Open another window/tab. It's really quite easy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:12am
minion application please.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:14am
I work out 4-5 days a week and regularly cycle anywhere from 10-50 miles at a clip and I'm still regarding has having an unhealthy BMI and according to my doctor am 'clincially obese" whatcha gonna do... I do what I can with what I've got!

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:15am

"Not everyone can do that and we are all trying to do the best we can for our families."


And some of us who can SAH choose not to do so, and don't believe their children are having lesser quality experiences while we WOH.


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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:18am

"Not everyone can do that and we are all trying to do the best we can for our families."

I add not every can or WANTS to do that... I have never wanted to stay home not for a second...

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:21am

"There are days I feel that daycare is the *easy* way out and likely why I used the word plunk."


Oh, so your use of "plunk" didn't reflect your dd's experiences in daycare, or the quality of care she received, just how you were getting off easy by going to WOH.


And when it's during the school year and a SAHM has all school age kids, I think SAH's gotta be easier, but that's just MO.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:24am

"....but I would rather he learns about those things as daily routine than play in daycare."


What kind of "play" do children do in daycares in mountain culture?


As to living off the grid, my brother's done it for the past 2.5 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:29am

"I would rather be with my kids than pawn them off."


Now you've angered me.

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