The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:30am
Kelly and I were just having this discussion about small town life b/c I grew up in a small sleepy town and she grew up in a city and I said that small town kids tend to go in one of two directions, they either cling to that life or head right for the center of manhattan/boston/dc/chicago.... LOL. I think I have the best of both worlds living ina small city with lakes mountains and beaches no more than 45 minutes away and a major city less than an hour a way and I have to say I LOVE living down the street from a 24 hour drug store after growing up on an island where refilling a prescription was a major undertaking!

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:31am
Moving to a less expensive place is fine, provided there is viable employment. IME, the jobs in less expensive areas also pay less - commensurate with the drop in COL. Certainly there are places where the incomes are *relatively* higher and on average people enjoy a higher standard of living. However IME, those places are in the middle COL areas - where quality jobs are more plentiful and houses are still *relatively* affordable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:32am
Amen.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:33am
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:34am

"You know, an active, outdoor lifestyle is great and all, but few of us really have the luxury of organizing ourselves and our childcare totally around leisure pursuits."


LOLOL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:37am
DH has taken to calling me "Felix" as a play on both my name and Mr. Unger from time to time....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:38am

Sadly, my 5 year old would watch about 3 hours of TV daily if I let him.

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:39am

AMEN! I have never been so completely bored as I have been playing barbies or other pretend play with Liza... shoot me. The greatest thing about her growing up and develpoing a social life of her own is that now her friends come over and they can go to town with their barbies and stuffed animals and other scenarios adn I don't have to pretend that I enjoy playign "backpacking orphans lost in the woods and found by magical royal family" or whatever other scenario liza dreams up.

But the worst thing is that every time I dared to admit this to some of my friends who were mons I was greeted with silence and stony stares. How DARE I not love every second of making homeade play do in the kitchen? how DARE I not LOVE helping young precious create a lego city in teh basement? What kind of a monster WAS I?

I do love that she' old enough for soem classic board games though -- the cranium games, Sorry, and Monopoly have gotten us through some long cold snowy weekends!

 

Yes. We. Did.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:39am
Why am I not suprised? you'd get along great with Kelly... ;-)

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:40am
Once you finally move off the grid, you'll be so into fly fishing and candle making, you'll forget all about the office.

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