The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:41am
You are "on" today SM!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:42am

"There are days I feel that daycare is the *easy* way out."

I am sure. There are days when I thank the great mother that my children are going to school and my DH is going to work. When I worked, there were days when I really wanted to sah- it would have been the "easy way out" that day. I would have to say that ALL of us have days when our current situation is harder than our imagined day on the otherside of the street. Bad days suck rocks- woh, sah, ptwoh, ptsah, wah - whatever.




Edited 7/24/2007 9:49 am ET by janetlynn_64
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:45am
What? You don't love Barbie? Were you that way *before* you started WOH or *after*?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:46am
Just so you know, having a sahp definitely does not ensure a clean house at the end of the day. Just ask my DH. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:46am
Actually, I'm "off" for the summer, and my lazybones dd's are in bed, so I'm playing for a while ;-)
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:49am
You know honestly I don't MIND Barbie (I had every barbie known to man as a kid and look how I turned out LOL. I should have known something was up when i had no desire to EVER own a Ken doll!) I just hate the endless scenarios of "all the barbies to to the ball" or "all the barbies put on a talent show" -- the scenarios are great as long as I don't have to engage in them! LOL

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:49am

"Did the other parents who used that daycare "plunk" their kids as well?"

How would she know that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:50am
I had Skipper - Barbie's less endowed younger sister. My mother did NOT like barbies.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:51am
Did you have the "growing up skipper?" t he one where you twisted her arm and she grew up, got a waiste and boobs? She was my FAVORITE

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:52am

I hear in England the game is to torture them, amputate their limbs, and drop them from high places. Maybe they're on to something.

http://archive.capecodonline.com/cctimes/edits/cctblogs/gb/archives/2005_12.htm




Edited 7/24/2007 9:57 am ET by sabinamarianne

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