The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:11am

Damn, lost my reply. What I was trying to say is that the activities our family enjoys happen mostly on the weekends anyway so my working or not isn't going to affect what we, as a family, does for recreation. And a lot of what you do with your children (and it seems without your dh according to your posts so far) is done without your dh. We just prefer that dh join us in all those activities which means that they happen on the weekends. And we like to include as many as our girls as possible which means working around their work schedules as well. Something that you don't have yet but is a factor in our family simply because we have adult children as well as a 9 yo. And it gets hot here as well so we do a lot of outdoor activities in the evening during the summer so we don't get heat exhaustion or heat stroke (very real possiblities for 2 of our dds--Erica and Angela). Going to the library is a father/son event in our family so dh takes Dylan on Saturdays. Dylan does watch TV and checks out DVDs from the library. His favorite channels are the Discover Channel, the History Channel, the Science Channel, and the Military Channel. His great passion (which is only getting stronger the more he learns and the older he gets) is history, especially military history, and how we got where we are today. Right now, he is building a WWI trench warfare battlefield in our back yard. The fox hole is dug and I think that he has abandoned the idea of a trench because it's taking him so long to dig the fox hole.

Ok this has become an epic so I'll end here with one last thought. As far as playing in daycare, that's what childhood is all about--play. Whether they play at daycare, preschool, at grandma's house, or at home, all children need unstructured play.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:12am

Go back through the posts starting from the OP and you'll see that there were many posts near the beginning of the thread where I would honestly ask for an opinion...and strong; derogatory words/phrases where hurled like daggers. I realize I may have sunk a little with the word choices to match those I was on the receiving end of.

I feel as passionate about my choice to be where I am.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:19am

"But they did it first Mooooooom." Will you accept that reason from your children?

It is still your choice to use those words. You can not change how other people act, only how you react.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:23am

<>


Your youngest is 3, correct?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:23am

I agree.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:24am

And if we want to get into the burning question of Who Started It, there's this from Post 1:


"I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home?"


One can't reasonably expect to say stuff like that and not get flame-broiled.

Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man-The Big Lebowski 

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:25am
see I never claimed I was all that emotionally healthy so I have an automatic out... ;-)

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:27am
Well, you're a lesbian and a single mom. So that's three outs for you now ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:27am

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Can you provide a connection from childhood obesity to the working status of parents?


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My kids get more than that, but then my experience is more along the lines of yours as my oldest for example

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:31am

And for us, history is a big part of our family's lifestyle. We don't teach Dylan history--he is demanding (so to speak) that we provide him with the knowledge, tools, and resources so that he can pursue his passion. One that he has developed over the last 4-5 years. And, yes, one that we sparked because of our various interests in history. Just as we provided the knowledge, tools, and resources for each of our children as they developed their passions.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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