The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:46pm
They do, but only after hours ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:47pm
You mean like doing your adult stuff while keeping an eye on them rather than staying down on all fours making animal noises? Where's your dedication, woman?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:48pm
I love how you try to pretend like you don't think your way is superior, then you say things like "pawn off" and "I want to be with my kids more than wanting to get away from them". (False dichotomy, BTW) The fact is, as sure as you are that you are making some giant difference by SAH, there is no difference between a child with a SAHM and a child with a WOHM, providing that both children have good loving parents. You may not be able to do certain things if YOU WOH, but that is your own failing, not anyone else's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:51pm
Actually, kimmie would be the one to tell you; there must be at least a few such programs up in the mountains...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:51pm

We are discovering that Dylan is an aural learner. He is able to process any information that he hears, whether from the TV, reading to him, or just in coversation. Now, him reading it for himself is another matter. He gets all into the process of reading and can't process what he reads at the same time.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:54pm

Welcome. I'm a mother of 4--3 adult dds and one 9 yo ds. I both woh and wah as a dressmaker. Oh, and I also have 2 lovely grandchildren courtesy of my oldest dd.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:56pm

No (hanging head in shame) but it looks like Angela is coming around since she discovered that designing clothes for Comicon is fun. And Dylan loves to put together reenactment outfit for me to sew for him.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:57pm

To the sewing machine where it belongs of course. ;)

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:59pm

Well, yeah but then what kind of mother would I be sending my precious boy hundreds of miles away from me?

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:01pm
And to think you passed down all these skills while still earning a living!

Pages