The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:02pm
Tut, tut, tut!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:06pm
You'd *all* have to move; no more weddings, no more dresses, no more school, no more false consumer values (cue up music from "Green Acres" and some vintage John Denver); just open skies and the smell of wood smoke!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:39pm

one of my kids once played a practical joke on the other -- can't remember which did it to which though....when one child was going to bed, peeled back the covers and found a head-less, appendage-less barbie torso -- child let out a loud scream -- now THAT was funny!

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:41pm

when my kids were younger -- Andrew about 7 or 8, jenna about 3 or 4 -- they would play an intricate combination of Barbie/Pokemon -- it was cool to watch them play together for hours and hours.

I never did understand the game, LOL!

Carole

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:46pm

"Most people I know who have used DC have done so because they have to work. Go figure"

Have to or choose to...it's a toss up.

I get the impression you choose to myshka."

I absolutely choose to work. I'm proud of that actually. My DH absolutely chooses to SAH.

"With my salary I could have chosen the nanny route. I would rather be with my kids than pawn them off. I worked from home AKA around the clock and still didn't call in a nanny despite the ability to easily afford one. NOT my style. If you can afford a nanny you can afford to stay home NON????"

LOL. What a joke. There is no *real* job that one can do with toddler twins without help at home while one is working. At least no job that I know of, that's full time.

I would never "pawn them off." I worked from when they were 14 months old. DH was at home and had a nanny to help him. May not be "your style," but its ours and it worked well for all of us.

One minute you are made of money and the next you are "needing" so which is it?"

Where did I ever say I needed to work? I choose to work, I love my work, and we also choose to have a SAHP. Does your husband work?

"If you have money to burn and choose to stay at work fine. It's your choice and despite how different it is from a choice I would make...have at 'er. Don't crucify me for wanting to be with my kids more than wanting to get away from them or have a career."

LOL. I'm not crucifying you. I choose to work -- not to "get away from" my kids, but because I really enjoy my career. And hey...I actually have the ability to be a great mom, and work. Go figure:)

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:49pm

Now that's the funniest post I've read in a while:)

Imagine what I could have gotten for a pair of twins? LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:50pm

heck, during the summer when I'm a sahm (wink), my dh is just happy that the house is standing!

Carole

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:52pm

"I choose to work -- not to "get away from" my kids, but because I really enjoy my career"

I've NEVER been too proud to admit there were many many days during liza's infancy and tumultuous toddlerhood that I dropped her off at daycare (and yes there were a few days I contemplated barely slowing down believe me) and got to my office, poured my coffee, turned on my computer and said "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Liza was an intensely difficult toddler..... LOL!

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 2:49pm
Regardless, if someone is antagonized, they may use ruder language, but they usually won't say something they don't actually believe. So she was just antagonized into saying things she normally wouldn't. Not saying things she doesn't believe. Someone could rag SAHMs all night to me, and I may call them names and be rude, but I'm not going to say that I think that WOHMs are doing wrong by their children because that is not something I believe is true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 3:41pm
Welcome!

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