The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

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Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 3:53pm

I've NEVER been too proud to admit there were many many days during liza's infancy and tumultuous toddlerhood that I dropped her off at daycare (and yes there were a few days I contemplated barely slowing down believe me) and got to my office, poured my coffee, turned on my computer and said "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" "

LOL, that's pretty funny. A friend of mine said pretty much the same thing when I was pregnant with my twins, and she went back to work right after having hers.
I was at home till they were 14 months and then would leave home to go to work (DH and the nanny would be at home that first year after, and then / now DH). I was sad to leave to go to work, but then enjoyed work, and was very happy to get home to them. But though they were twins, they were relatively easy babies and toddlers. Now that they are 4 they are making *up* for that easy laid back begining:)

There are times now that their grandparents take them to the zoo on the weekend and I feel like saying "don't let the door hit ya on the behind!" as they leave;)

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 3:56pm
seriously she was sucha pain in the you know what as a toddler -- she is a MUCH better happier and easier 'big kid' whose company I truly enjoy and look forward to...but when she was a toddler the relative peace of my office kept me sane on more than one occassion.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 3:57pm
We don't have Barbie stories, but last year my niece was visiting and got obnoxious with her AMerican Girl doll, Molly, while we were on a car trip. She was using "Molly" as a voice for her" "Molly wants to sit next to the window." "Molly would like to stop and get a drink," that sort of thing. Drove my boys nuts. After one stop, where the then-14 y/o stayed behind in the car, we returned to find Molly suspended from the rear view mirror, with a bag tied over her head and her hands tied behind her back. DH roared and I took pictures.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 4:05pm

Actually, you have stated numerous times that you don't know if he chose to be injured, you only know that he chose to seek disability benefits, which of course still wasn't what I was talking about.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 4:06pm

No....no, matter how you look at the example, again it is an example of

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 4:07pm
Pumpkin! Pumpkin! don't revive the beast I beg of you.... please!

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 4:08pm

Sorry.....thought I hadn't answered those points.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 4:45pm
That's a good one 'cuz you can do something else similar with the parts you pulled off!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 10:25pm
going through that right now...
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 10:34pm
Well I like to do things with my kids like music, arts, swimming, etc. etc. They go to ballet, soccer, art class, etc. We also do tons of projects (art, crafts, gardening, etc) at home. But not for one second do I feel sanctimonious about this. Its what I like to do with them. Its my parenting style.
I also allow them to be bored, I don't feel I have to entertain them 24x7, and I'll just as often sit and read a book while they do a puzzle on their own.
It cracks me up these mommy olympics.
It makes me wonder what incredible void some of these women have in their lives that they try to tell everyone else how to parent, and look down their noses at people who "pawn" of their children in other care of any kind.
Should we also feel guilty when grandparents take the kids out for a day or even an overnight trip? Is that "pawning" them off too? LOL>

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