The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 6:36am
Yes, but that's a bit harder when we are talking about very young children. I do believe that modeling the example goes a long way too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 7:24am
Whoa now, who are you calling an old mare? ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 7:39am
I'd thought those things, too. And shoot...I remember being 14 and pretending not to like things my family was doing just so they'd go off and leave me at home in peace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 7:40am
Most three year olds can walk and run.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 7:48am
Well, whoever it was, she ain't what she used to be.

Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man-The Big Lebowski 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 8:02am
Yes, but in the context that the OP presented, that sounds pretty challenging, mountain biking, hiking,etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 8:05am
OMG...is THAT thing back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 8:36am
That is my point. The things she lists are great excersize for her and her DH BUT not for her young child. He is not getting excersize when she pushes him in his stroller to town and back for groceries or a library visit. He is not getting excersize when she and DH go out for an evening canoe paddle. He is not getting excersize if they are hiking and carrying him on his back (don't know if he walks on this one though). He is a passive participant.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 8:39am

I agree with you but I also see what mom2fourgirls is saying though... he will grow up seeing an active lifestyle modeled which (hopefully) will have a lasting influence on him. My parents DIDN't have an active lifestyle and I really have had to work hard to create my own but I'm hoping that Liza seeing me on my bike all the time or going to the gym all the time as well as the walks we take after dinner each night and the swimming we do will sublty impress upon her that an active life can be fun.

but I draw the line at hiking or camping -- that's just WAYYY too close to nature for me...;-)

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:22am
Gas mask? LOL, one of those could come in handy on some of these threads around here. Maybe I should order a dozen?

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