The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:22am
Don't forget to include some of those Bratz dolls!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:24am
And of course you'd have to haul out your loom and reacquaint yourself with that whole nonsense... No, I'll have to agree, civilization rocks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:53am

Depends on what leg they are training for but on average 1.5-3 hours a day.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:54am

I agree.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:56am

I agree that it's harder with young children, thus my questions as to how exactly the young child is participating (versus just observing) in these physical activities such as ice climbing, mountain climbing, mountain biking and etc.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:57am

My oldest could also swim like a little fish, kick a ball, throw a ball....all kinds of things that were physically active versus riding in a stroller or being carried in a backpack.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:59am

But didn't she also state that her child was participating in this active lifestyle?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:00am

Na, just me not exiting out and looking at new posts......


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:03am

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But it also may not...he may continue to expect to be a passive observer in these activities.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:08am
When mine were 3yo, most ski trips, either x-country or alpine, seemed to involve me or dh spending most of our time putting on skis, taking them off, hand-holding, toileting, or standing in line for hot chocolate at the lodge. There's something to be said for waiting a while, IMO.

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