The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

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Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
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Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:09am
The one thing that I wish is that she was even one iota interested in learning to ride a bike-- she doesn't have any interest in it at all and I know better than to push her. Neither her dad or I live in "bike conducive" neighborhoods so I don't really push it. The world won't end if she can't ride a two wheeler after all!

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:11am

Not from Dylan, you can't. One of his "failings" is that once he's done something, he doesn't want to repeat it. He wants to move on to some other challenge. All of his reward is in the process, not the end result. As a result, you could wait until eternity is over before your order would be filled.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:13am

Not to mention raising sheep, sheering, spinning, etc. And growing flax. Turning flax into linen is a labor-intensive effort. And while I'm good at crochet, I suck at knitting.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:18am

That's one of the reasons why my mom doesn't like snow. Having 3 small children (all the same age, for all practical purposes) to bundle up to go out to play in the snow meant that every 5 minutes she was repeating the process, first in reverse and then putting everything back on again, so one of us could come in and go to the bathroom, get a drink, get warm, etc. Definitely, not one of the high points of winter for her.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:20am

I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was almost 13. My much younger brother (he is 8 years younger than I), learned first. Dylan, after having a bike since he was 5, is just now learning.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:22am

but our children are provided for; although I can appreciate that comparison. I apologize for using the terms "pawn" and "plunk"...I should really take a quick run around my yard before responding to posts when I feel a little rattled.

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:24am
thanks...Liza does things in her own sweet time so I'm not too concerned. But that's good to know. I learned young but I didn't take it up as a real hobby until I was about 26! It jus woudl be nice to ride bikes together..but that will come with time I'm sure.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:25am

My youngest has zero interest in riding a bike, none.

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:26am
Hey Im' not to proud to admit that on more than one occassion during Liza's infancy and toddler hood I both pawned and plunked b/c that kid drove me completely utterly totally crazy. I used to say "one of us will survive this , but the jury is still out on which one"

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:26am
That's one reason I hate it. The only way Joel can play in snow is to crawl in it. That lasts about 5 minutes, he's soaking wet and freezing and needs to come in. Then, 10 minutes later, he's ready to go again. Thank goodness we don't get much of it. The past few years I've been able to talk him out of going out into the light dustings that we've had.

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