The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

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Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:26am
But the MS 150 is two days yes? PIECE OF CAKE! You'll have a blast -- you should go for it!

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:27am

"And do you really believe that if you WOH, there are things your son would not experience? "

I would have to say that although my son may still experience the activities we do together frequently because I am home with him...he would not be doing them or exposed to them to the same degree if at all. If I were still choosing to WOH I would have to be back in a big city which would mean all of the things I love about being here would no longer be at our back door.

Today I am heading out to go rock climbing with my FIL and his partner... yesterday we spent the entire day paddling a beautiful river....a trip too long to have fit into the evening...

My son would not be doing these things if I was stil WOH. In our situation...the answer to your question is yes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:31am
My DH has great memories of riding bikes with his Dad when he (Dh) was a teenager.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:31am

My field is dental; even with taking 5 years off I know a vast amount of information from the last 10 years of experience not to mention the education prior to. The materials and techniques evolve but I keep my hand in with the industry journals etc.

I am also known by those in the industry and it will never be a problem to get back in. I keep in touch.

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:32am
that's awesome -- what nice memories he must have. While I'd love Liza to learn I also know that cycling isn't my favorite hobby, it's somethign I sort of fell into . What I am really looking forward to is the first time Liza and I get the chance to be on stage together. now THAT will be special!

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:36am

Yea, I think it's two days.....soooo not into sitting on a bike for two solid days, lol.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:36am

Now that Dylan is beginning to ride around the block, we are going to have to get me a bike. Mine was stolen umpteen years ago and we just never got around to replacing it. But with Dylan being able to ride, it would be nice to ride as a family, abet a smaller one, again.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:39am

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I guess I am not getting how he is experiencing the activities, outside of a passive observation, can you explain how a 3 year old (and younger): mountain bikes, ice climbs, paddles a canoe, and etc?


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That you love....by just because you love them, doesn't mean that he will choose to love them as well.

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:40am

without giving away anythign personal -do you live anywhere near new England? If so the event that I just did last week is a great introduction to some good distance riding for a good cause.

And I hate to say it but...I'mw ith your son...if he wants to ride 100 miles at a time then he's road bike ready.... I'm poor as can be but 5 years ago I bought my road bike over time, I ordered it in Sept. paid the bike shop $50 every time I got paid (every other week ) until April when I still had about $300 to go. The bike came in, the bike shop let me take it and start riding and pay of the balance over the rest of the summer. best $1000 investment I ever made ...

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:45am

It is almost impossible to make someone who does not understand the lifestlye we lead understand...my parents and siblings still don't even get it.

"Education is very very important to me. I'd not live in an area where there are no preschool options,"

I don't consider the amount of "education" one receives in preschool to be vital to future education. My 3 year old knows just as much as a child his age in dc(and yes, I am well aware of what children his age do in dc). He learns as much (alphabet, counting, colours etc.) being at home with me so I don't worry that he would be behind entering kindergarden and I am not even remotely concerned about not having dc options.

"no matter how low the COL."

we moved her for lifestyle, not COL... COL just factored into my not having to work.

"Why wouldn't daycares in your area provide such activities for older children?"

They may...although with liability issues I doubt they would offer some of them until the child is significantly older. It doesn't really matte because I don't want him in dc...I want him with me until school age(5) and then if I choose to return to work we re-evaluate.

"Do you know what children your son's age actually do all day in daycare, or are you just assuming that they don't do any of those outdoor activities?"

I'm not talking about a weekly field trip...and I can pretty safely assume that they aren't on daily outdoor trips which we pretty much are. I do see the local dc out walking daily with their 6 or 7 passenger strollers full of napping toddlers but I'd rather be taking my son skiing or biking or whatever. I also think it's a special time for us to share and I enjoy spending thie time with him. I am not giving it up to send him into dc when I don't have to.

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