The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:26pm

My boys also help grocery shop, picking out what they want for lunch and even help plan dinners!

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:27pm
you don't have to
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:27pm
Not sure. I would have to research it if I could remember his name-lol!! He just quit a year or so ago and was in the force for a long time. They might not have needed one, not sure. I know the "kids" I graduated with went in at 18 and did not need a college degree like they do now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:27pm
Really???? So my aunt who was had "emotional issues" and ultimately committed suicide in her basement might not be an example of someone who may not be a stay at home mom due to emotional issues? She was clinically diagnosed and may have taken her children with her had she not been instructed to have them in daycare. Just an example(and a true one) but I was making that statement to imply that I would not expect a mother that is struggling with an emotional issue that puts herself or children in danger would be expected to be a SAHM.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:28pm

Again, some people do more with the choices that they are given than others...that doesn't mean they have less choices in life, however.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:28pm

The Chief of Police for the NYPD has a B.A. in Criminal Justice from SUNY.

The Police Commissioner hold a BBA from Manhattan College, a JD from St. John's University School of Law, an LLM from New York University Graduate School of Law and an MPA from the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University. He has received honorary degrees from Marist College, Manhattan College, the College of St. Rose, St. John's University and the State University of New York.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:29pm
I wouldn't really have an opinion one way or another.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:31pm

...and it is, for her.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:32pm

Education gives you more choices, that's the point.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:34pm

<>

If that's the point you were making, then maybe you should have said that. It's very obvious that many of the posters here took your statments (not just your first one) to mean WOH = emotional issue.

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