The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

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Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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Registered: 01-20-2004
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:15pm

Erin
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Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:39pm

okay, so your "point" is more broad...ANY mom who is NOT emotionally disturbed should sah?

Yeah, that will go over it much, much better.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:51pm
This seems quite plausible but exceptions are definately present.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:52pm
Nice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:53pm
ugh. I am going camping and have spent more time than I should have on here already today.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:36pm
I have the choice to WOH or SAH and I don't have any schooling beyond high school.
with the exception of a single mother, everyone has the same choice....that's MY point.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:37pm
could be..who knows :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:40pm
I agree with you...but you can educate yourself without going to college. Mypoint iwas originally that whether you got to school or not you have the same choice to make as everyone else.....
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:41pm
true enough
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:52pm

understood and respected. i can think of only one person (independent of single parents) who has honestly shared that she's in a role because she has no choice in the other...in the meantime,the basis for most of these arguments really has relied on the choices we have and chose to make. :)




Edited 7/13/2007 3:01 pm ET by egd3blessed

 

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