The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 12:28am

Absolutely...we are best friends and have more past times and persuits that we enjoy together than we could possibly fit into a day."

Past time and pursuits? But I thought you were focusing 100% on the kids till they are 18?

My husband and I have been together 13 years. We are truly best friends, he's a wonderful man, father and husband. But I wouldnt want to spend all day every day with him and the kids...without outside interests like my work, running, yoga, cooking, spending time with my friends, etc.

And what about when your child (children?) are in school? Or do you plan on homeschooling?

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 12:36am

I don't think a WOHM is emotionally disturbed. I was implicating that obviously if there is a emotional issue that prevents a woman from staying at home with a young child(such as post partum or some other mental issue that harms the mother or child's well-being) I would not expect someone with those particular challenges to be a SAHM."

But that's not what you posted let alone implied.
Of course people who might harm their children shouldnt be SAHP's -- in fact they shouldnt be allowed to *parent* until they get help and can be proven to be safe for the child. And its incredibly insulting not to mention down right ridiculous, to begin to imply that the only people who *shouldnt* be SAHM's are those who have "mental issue(s) that harms the mother or child's well being." Oye vey.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 2:43am

<>

Agreed. And by that scenario where even an irrational choice means people have choice, then you can't make an exception for single parents. Clearly they have as much of an irrational choice as your example above.

I suspect the reasoning here is similar to that of those who claim daycare is harmful to kids, but not if the kids' Mom is single. Then it's okay. Like the baby knows the difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 12:28pm

Bernard Kerik. He dropped out of high school, got a G.E.D., went into the military, then became a cop and later got his college degree.

Not an unusual route in police work, especially if one was entering the force in the 70s and 80s. Now many police forces require some post secondary education.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 12:32pm

Not to mention he was in the military before entering police work. Most other career fields don't care much either way if you were in the military.

Dbf has an exemplary military record but outside of police work no one else was much interested in it! Except as a curiosity because what he did in the Army was so specialized.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 2:59pm
I agree. I was saying in another post that the kids who graduated with me in the 80's went straight into the force without a college degree like you need now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 3:07pm
No, you have a choice because your dh makes enough money to cover all the bills and extras that are needed. Not all women have this option. I have stated before that if I did not work, we would not have medical because it would be too much for my dh to get it. We would be able to have one car (the one without the loan) but we would not have the money for gas to drive it!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 3:08pm
Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 3:12pm
BECAUSE your dh makes good money. NO???? I could have just graduated h.s. and found a man who makes a good money and I would have a choice to stay home too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 3:14pm
THANK YOU

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