The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 11:59am
Well, yes, technically everything is a choice. But as Janet pointed out, there are "technical choices" and "rational choices". For both SAH or WOH there could be family needs that create an obvious rational choice that might not be what a parent would otherwise prefer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 2:53pm
Yes yes yes--most posters could understand that the phrase

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 3:17pm
How would a person who was never on crack know what it feels like to be on crack?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 3:18pm
I resent your subtle potshots at calling some posters on here basically stupid. I invited you on another thread to email me privately with your comments. I dont' find you the least bit funny anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 3:19pm
umm, yea, there are actually people that do that. Hard to believe but true. Not exactly putting their families needs first, but it happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 3:25pm
That's what I was saying before...they don't, and no one ever said that they did. Crack is addictive. Wii (or whatever it is that is being referred to) is addictive. No one's saying that playing Wii feels like it feels to be on crack, they're just saying that it is *as addictive as* crack.


Edited 7/16/2007 3:27 pm ET by lauren1063

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 7:04pm
There are people that choose to be disabled????
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 7:23pm

True but they are able to stay home because their dh makes enough money to support the family. They also will have the degree when and if they decide to go back."

really? Are you sure of that?

Wasnt the case with us. I SAH because it was what I wanted to do, it was important to me, to get my kids past one before going back to work. DH wasnt employed full time at the time. And if I choose to SAH again, which I will, it will be because I want to, and we can afford to, not because DH makes alott of money.

And yes I knew I could go back to work, but that had more to do with what I'd accomplished to date in my career before I chose to take time off, vs. my undergrad or grad degrees.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 7:25pm
One example I will give is a friend of mine. He was hurt at work, exaggerated the condition, put on disability and now receives benefits. Not as much as he did when he worked. She says they barely get by now and he doesn't care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 7:30pm
I would not choose to stay home because "I" want to if it is not good for my children (not able to pay bills, eat properly, going on welfare, etc). My dh would have to make good money for me to stay home because we would need the combination of both our checks PLUS extra to pay for medical.
I know in many parts of the country you can live on alot less so you might think that a dh does not have to make alot of money but by me, you do.

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