The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 8:15pm
oh ya right!! thats exactly what I said....and fro the record I'm being SARCASTIC..come on as if I would say something so cruel.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 8:17pm
you forgot the winkie icon! that means that you are 100% kidding when you insert that into your post. if you don't use it, youre fair game.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 8:50pm
Oh, then he's not choosing to be disable. He's choosing to lie and take disability. HUGE HUGE difference.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 9:43pm

"Oh, then he's not choosing to be disable. He's choosing to lie and take disability. HUGE HUGE difference."

Before Kelly went back to school to become a nurse she worked for 10 years as a private detective (still works part time) for a company specializing in disability fraud and insurance fraud -- she worked full time following these kind of people around and her stories are unbelievable -- like the guy who was supposedl immobilized in bed with a neck brace -- until she took photos of him on the elliptical machine at the local Y....

and we wonder why our insurance rates are so high? it's bozos like these guys trying to 'stick it to the man' ...

 

Yes. We. Did.

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 11:12pm

I would not choose to stay home because "I" want to if it is not good for my children (not able to pay bills, eat properly, going on welfare, etc)."

Me either! Did you read my post? The point is there are women, myself included, who have chosen to stay at home either for a time, or permanently, not based on how much money their DH makes but based on the fact that they don't *need* two incomes or even *one.*

"My dh would have to make good money for me to stay home because we would need the combination of both our checks PLUS extra to pay for medical."

Not everyone is in that situation. We arent. We could both not work and be just fine. I just choose to work. When I choose to SAH its not because DH makes "good money" its because I can, and, feel its best for my family at that time.

I know in many parts of the country you can live on alot less so you might think that a dh does not have to make alot of money but by me, you do."

LOL. I live in Northern CA in one of the most expensive areas of the US. Again, you are missing the point. Not everyone is in *your* situation. Some of us live in very expensive areas, and can *still* SAH without DH making "alot" of money. That's because we've *both* made "alott" of money in the past, live far below our means, and could afford to both retire today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 8:10am
He's still collecting disability the same as a person who is truly disabled.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 8:34am

If he's collecting disability and he's not disabled then he's choosing to commit fraud -- he's not choosing to "be disabled"

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 8:47am
Ummm yeah. That doesn't mean 1) he is disabled or 2) he's choosing to be disabled.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 9:02am
<<...I flushed it down the toilet.>> I'm just going to go ahead and assume you don't actually mean a single thing you've posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 10:01am
I'll remember that next time.
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