The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 11:00am

So you do agree with her and you weren't being sarcastic with your agreement of her post?


So back to my question that you didn't answer....do you believe that people choose to be laid off, disabled, and other things that could put a family into financial difficulties?


How does one choose to be disabled, for example?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 11:01am

What exactly are you being sarcastic about?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:55pm

There can be a huge gray area here. Say you get injured (temporarily or permanently) and your doctor says you need to be out of work. However, you think you can push and go back to work and would be ok doing so. What do you do?

Plenty of people in this situation would make a different choice.

That being said, Im NOT defending people who commit fraud and have no injury or disability. Im talking about people who are truly borderline.

Also, you have the issue of people who are disabled and choose to work and people who are disabled and do not. A friend of my family's is legally blind. He has a glass eye on one side and very limited vision in the other. He does not work and collects SS. He lives in a state funded apartment and has an aide that comes in every day who is also paid for by the state. His medical visits are paid for by Medicaid. On the other hand, I work with a guy who is legally blind AND severely hearing impaired. He has a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a licensed clinical social worker. He lives in a condo he bought and his care is paid for out of pocket and by his medical beneifts.

Disablity isnt a choice, but how one chooses to live with some disabilities definately can be.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 1:17pm

<>


To that, I agree.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 2:28pm
WHAT?? FOR THE RECORD FOR ANYONE ONE WHO IS SARCASTICALLY IMPAIRED (AND ALSO CANNOT READ)
I DO NOT AGREE THAT PEOPLE CHOOSE TO LAID OFF,DISABLED,ETC,ETC......I AM NOT A CRUEL UNREASONABLE PERSON.....AND I WOULD NEVER EVEN CONSIDER AGREEING WITH A STAEMENT LIKE THAT. I HOPE THIS CLEARS ANY CONFUSION UP.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 2:30pm
I' ms orry I am honestly lost as to what you are talking about...I don't agree with that statement AT ALL...that is what I was being sarcastic about...that I agreed with that.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:13pm

This is what egd3 stated, to which you totally agreed.


<>


The financial constraints that were being discussed where col, special needs children, daycare, disabilities...etc.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:13pm
You know, it's really difficult to read posts that are entirely in caps. I get that you are trying to make a point and thus have resorted to "yelling", but it's more effective put a word here or there in caps as opposed to the entire post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:18pm

When I asked you in post 576:

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:47pm
OK this has gotten totally messed up...I must have not properly read her post......I agree that the choices you make you have to live with. I don't agree that you have control over having a disabled child or if you are laid off...or you yourself are hurt and can't work..obviously those are beyond our control. I was agreeing that you have to live with the choices you do have the contol to make. For example...the kind of car you drive,the amount you choose to spend on a house or clothing or vacations, or the area you live in...things like that you have a choice over and they directly affect whether you HAVE to work or not. Sorry for the confusion...I was actually getting pretty confused myself.
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