The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:09am
He's still collecting the same benefits as someone who is disabled.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:11am

But he's not.

He has chosen to pretend he's disabled, presumably in an attempt to collect benefits. That's not nearly the same thing as *being* disabled and struggling financially because of the disability.




Edited 7/18/2007 8:12 am ET by lauren1063

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:11am
Choose to be disabled? worker gets hurt at work, exaggerates the condition, doc puts him on disability. end of story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:12am
he collects disability for an injury. he's considered disabled.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:14am

"So just so I'm clear on this...you have decided that my posts have stated something I didn't say (because as you are well aware, I never called anyone stupid), yet you are having trouble understanding four words that pumpkinangel DID say?"
How is another debate relative to this one?

"Yes, and I politely declined your invitation."
where did you decline before this thread?

"You are under no obligation to read my posts."
exactly. this will be the last post to you as I've been informed to put you on ignore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:16am
he's considered disabled, collects the same benefits as someone is truly disabled.
no one said he is not committing a crime, just that he is collecting benefits as a disabled person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:20am
he is in the same boat as someone who is truly disabled. still experiencing the same struggling financially because of the disability!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:38am
Plenty of people struggle financially, but actually being disabled isn't anywhere close to the same thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:40am
Collecting benefits doesn't make him disabled; it just makes him a fraud.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:40am
exactly.... if he is collecting disability and he is not disabled eventually it's going to catch up with him...as I said...kelly made her living catching these guys for years and their arrogance usually trips them up....like the guy she followed to a water park where he took off his "knee brace" and proceeded to go on all the slides with his family..all while Kelly got him on tape....

 

Yes. We. Did.

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